Warlords of Rock and Roll and Thunder and Lightning

Without further delay and with such grotesque procrastinations, I do apologize, for delinquency of this official, sanctioned, commissioned, authorized review of the band Warlords of Rock and Roll and Thunder and Lightning.

The wikipediologists would have a better time, as I, an humble agoraphobe, know nothing of music, and less by the minute.

But first--

Some of us evidently had totally psychadelic hippie parents.

I mean I would not be surprised if lead singer dan finkle grew up in a painted refurbed schoolbus commune.

I want dan finkle to laugh and like this propaganda, but really . . .WRRTL

recall the glories of annoying psychadelic rock-musicals Godspell and Joseph and the technicolor Dreamcoat, and some sinister Andrew Lloyd Weber “Cats” flashbacks, and straight up 70's lounge grooves, plus some jazz-ska, and the best of metal-rap, some system of a down just to make you feel like its 2002 all over again.

I mean, like I want a tribal tattoo now.

Warlords . . . make me want to watch “Spun” the movie by will de los santos . . . and at least feel voyeuristically meth-melted . . .

And then the song “everything will happen before you die” goes reggae, like the new film, a reggae breakout top-secret, infinity production, undergoing constant tweaking, prior to long awaited release, five minutes before the long-awaited real apocalypse.

See, I haven't seen it, but I might be convinced that this dan finkle/brian mcguire film and accompanying soundtrack contain the missing code that would make today, for instance, make sense. It might save my life! It could be some regarbled hash of

cultural accretions and totally offend me, like most stuff does.

Especially if its like, extra misogynist with a dollop of misogyny on top.

But that would be to presume that I exist, which I cannot prove.

How can I be offended if I do not have any verifiable existence, or faith in language, time, or music?

Which leads me to a very interesting subject . . . my downstairs neighbor smokes kilos a day. Really. And it wafts up, as smoke often does. And I just might be an accidental stoner, a second-hand victim of the all-hours bake-out. Collateral damage.

And is that why this Warlords recording sounds so good, and recalls fondly to my mind the last three sumptuous shows I saw, at venice bistro, cinespace, and three of clubs . . . ?

Nostalgia!

So anyway, I guess warlords sound extra great now . . . and the second-hand THC might just make this some synth stoner jam metal worthy of attention . . . .

like melvins, with a sense of humor.

or maybe it was the green velvet jacket . . .

and the panic attack feeling a warlords show gives . . . in a good way . . .

well---i saw dan finkle at cranes on el centro last wednesday and he said he couldn't manage all the PR and what not . . . obviously it has to be outsourced, delegated.

And my other clever friend noted how i'm like the editor of the yearbook committee for the musicians I know. Which is hysterical . . .

so in a way---the warlords page should have some rocked-out rave quotes like this:

“the best pyschadelic metal rap to haunt hollywood since . . . whatever . . .”

“you will call the cops for noise pollution”

“Warlords will make your bar staff irate”

“unpredictable gyrations not suitable for immature audiences”

“mystifying tourists”

“inducing heart attacks with sonic assault”

“inspiring bar brawls”

“you will laugh till it hurts”

so this begs the question, how can something so bad, be so good?

Well, like michael jackson bad.

See when the metal rap goes emo-metal-rap now that's it!!!!

Dan Finkle sings with screecho desperation like he fell into the darkest emo hole and can't get out to save his screamo haircut.

Really dan told me on the fly he can't sing, but does anyway.

Which is equally applicable to many confident vocalists.

Its all in the guts, the message, the song-writing.

So when your paternalistic godfather is asking you why you don't have money or a life yet, or why writing a stupid blog is worth anything, the best answer is the sacred text of “warlords” life-changing song “i suck.”

an epi-song, an ultimate anthem, the ok computer of this era, a reason to believe.

And so in answer, besides the obvious “i suck” . . .

dyslexia, bulimia, PTSD, ADHD, ADD, panic attacks, alcoholism, my boss thinks I have tourettes syndrome . . .

I mean bad vibes . . .

excuses!

like i'm living in trainspotting, 2009 edition.

only problem is . . .

the CD just stopped and I want more warlords, but most of all I want Dan Finkle to like me.

I told him I was never really writing seriously—more like making fun of serious journalism, if there is such a thing.

And could the same be said for warlords . . . that they give parody to any self-important rock scene . . . ?

ala das racist . . .

But hey I like swagger too . . .

and delusions of grandeur . . .

hey cool

they have a show november 15 2009 at cinespace.

You should go.