environmental apocalypse, brainwash, industrialized psychotropics

environmental apocalypse, brainwash
at vegan house on wilcox in may 2008, stig harder told me, you should be a blogger.
which i took to be an insult, as he was overtaxed by my excessive chatter, and the implication being, that by blogging it all, i might spare him the tedious litany of details about numerous chaotic obsessions.
i actually at the time really wanted to "speak with human" or a human capable of perceiving or appreciating me, which he did up to a point, the point at which he'd tell me i'm so smart.
so he said, if you had a blog, what would you call it?
i said
"dystopial"
for the obvious fossil fuel nightmare of los angeles and e-waste and consumerism deluxe.
and then braingarbage was a funny joke to me, in an automatic writing sense, such that anything i might write down, would then disappear from the top list in my mind, such that it would make room for new thoughts
restore me to a tabula rasa.
and then also the self-disparagement is sooooo nineties tropism.  we were taught to hate ourselves, genexers and their hangers on.
everything was nirvana and heroin and suicide and marlboro lights.
it was as though the boomers brought us into their corporate america, for so many ritual slaughters, whether pharmaceutical, war fodder, drug fodder, labeling "sane/insane" ADHD ADD, what not.
they gained their sense of self through hating us, the latchkey kids raised by wolves and MTV.
we had no way to understand their economy and their levels of psychological deceptions, socio-cultural norms.
oh, the inappropriate!
if the internet or its contents is ever again called inappropriate to me . .  .
wow---and so i guess the bloggers are abnormal, inappropriate types, to this negativeland way of thinking . . .
and what a wonder we escaped their many prisons, to find new prisons, like facebook's panopticon.
braingarbage is also
reference to my father's loss of language in aphasia and paralysis
as he was a literary sort before the great numbing took it away . . .
he's dying, slowly, on morphine . . .

in researching my biomedical ethics paper on pharmaceutical systems integration into the propaganda of
"mind" or "mental health"
i remember that i could not not exceed foucault's madness and civilization
google books madness and civilization

or the film
marat sade

and funnily, since my teacher is a big advocate of the "my son is a schizophrenic" way of thinking, slandering him publicly, she is the publicist of her stigmatization of him, literally!
i hope to make it educational
in a 'last words
before they take me to the gallows'
kind of way

for antonin artaud



who i guess was some kind of messiah to somebody

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