last trip to DC

my last trip to DC was in 1997 to see Ransom.
he was unavailable due to Helen's illness.
Natalie and i stayed at the Willard hotel and went to the Holocaust museum.

i read rimbaud's inferno and  illuminations in english on the way there, from father's library.

the old paperback was crumbling at the binding.

we were very sad of course, that ransom declined to meet us.

apparently helen was doing such things as walking naked through the halls of goodwin house, and so ransom had to keep a close eye on her.

when she passed he was a hunted man.
all the widows found him aptly charming and agile and made a good chase after him.

natalie and i sobbed at the holocaust museum, rightfully so.
we went there promptly after his NO.

i am sad i didn't force my way into the eng equation even more, but am consoled that Ransom might have felt flattered or impressed by the assertiveness with which his two independent grand-daughters caught a greyhound bus to DC, to call him from a payphone.

regretfully he explained he would not be able to meet us.
if only i had the sense to take a cab, or he the sense, to send one for us.

i was bereft with grief.
natalie ate pasta salad, but my appetite was shattered by his unavailability.
i didn't understand at the time, how fragile he must feel at 88.