ben pickering tiramisu slam + phone destroy + suicide threats

i know i am not supposed to believe in true love
or fall for it
after three days of sweet and innocent carbo-loading for the marathon mental breakdown

three suicide threats later i was able to get to google phone after ben pickering destroyed the phone i have to call for backup when he starts smashing things or me


he told me he destroyed all my numbers after asking why i had saved all the family numbers he calls me from

he apologized for destroying the phone

but not the cake

he also called me bitch

my PTSD rages when he does his verbal abuse thing mixed with property destruction and escalating threats

to look on the bright side he didn't smash any doors or windows this time before i got out alive

if i die one day y'all know he's driving me to an early heart attack

he threatened to sleep with some girl down the hall

he told me his mom used to call him bastard when he was seven and getting beaten by her

child abuse makes for a no-go

his killer uncle jeremy ivey who killed his rapist dad fred ivey is out of prison again for killing some other additional rapist

chilling at the land ben pickering's mom bought fraudulently with his blinding brain injury Social Security disability backpay

ben pickering never understands why property destruction and explosions of verbal volcano-ness make me feel unwell

many blessings to Wahkiakum County for noting the threats to hang himself, jump off a cliff, and that he wanted a gun to kill himself

and thanks to the good folks who contain him safely for the time being

i am always very scared he will come back and hurt me---which is a part of my placating him as he phone harasses me--and as i wean myself off the illusion he will ever get better instead of worse

he smashed the half a full tirimisu cake in its plastic box outside the gearhart mcmenamins  in reaction to me exclaiming "that's sexist" about his refusal to include women vets in his vet men speech

he called me "BITCH" which always reminds me of my 2002 rapist

i later explained the first amendment allows me to call him sexist

and a yogic breathing technique

he then talked about smoking crack and meth and pot and beer as a relief for his agitated mental state

i was worried he'd destroy more---property--house--auto--me

he was better for a few days prior to this explosion

the phone deductible will be 175$ to replace
he seems to have destroyed on purpose, lost or thrown away the glasses i bought him, as well as having spun me out for groceries and living expenses

it's amazing what love will make one do
enduring tiramisu smashes on the way to feed dave's bread to the seagulls

having the jealous ex- gut the phone of numbers and boldly proclaim it

i cleaned up the bread and plastic
as i hoped no one would call 911

but then again---the phone might not have been destroyed if the nonexistent system ever helped him
but no.

between his four counties of terror, no one does anything, yet. besides let his terror go on.
well---someone punched him---but he'll never admit to being nasty and mean to all the people he steps on.

it's as if everyday is suicide by cop---and the whole world are the "cops" he's trying to piss off by being mean and confused

it's so wrong for the american health system to just throw him out there to hurt so many people and live so rough and dangerously

hitchhiking

he likes to blame me for all his vagabonding
but it's not my fault he's so rowdy and violent

ultraviolence
by lana del rey

is the song i showed him twice on the phone before he destroyed the phone so i can't talk to my friends or tweet

many blessings to poet and nurse pat mcinroy for paying for his car-window-smashing.
who will pay for the phone?

thanks to crisis support for paying for the smashed door in long beach washington

who will pay for the smashed door in oregon?

the gouged walls from the picture frame smash?

it's not about the damaged property but all the lack of safety and health they represent

and how america chronically fucks disabled people in the ass for lack of care

while pompously acting as if ADA got the job done

i know the police are doing what they can to manage all the dangers

and defending the rights of parents to abuse children and men to abuse women, etc

except---no maybe someone cares

but how do we make america work?

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