the killing of Kristiana Coignard, 17 by Longview Texas police at police station

poignant
paramedics CPR

her getting stripped down to bra and panties after she's been shot

officers pulling down blinds
initiating killercop getting lots of pats on the back

initiating killercop turning away as stretcher taken out with Kristiana getting CPR

TRIGGERS:

makes me feel lucky that back in the nineties when i was getting clobbered by the Nashville Police, Tasers werent the rage yet

and they never killed me

(all the way)

my big ego stayed big as all f--- as i'm thinking do you know who my grandpa was and who he worked for . . . ?

they sent me to their ghetto mental hospital to get stripped and assaulted and drugged up instead of killing me

it all sucked and haunts me still

i was never playing suicide by cop.  that wasn't a thing in the nineties. i was just shell-shocked from my screamo family---and trying to be a peaceful humanitarian feeding the homeless which is not a crime.

i thought they were there to arrest the druggies of the drugslum. turns out it was far easier to clobber the skinny sober vegan straight edger 21 year old woman.

bc WTF she looks funny.

and it's fun for a bunch of guys to pile on to a woman.

men who hate women

but that's when the only thing that could save me was my DNA and my wits to overpower their misogyny

police brutality is always personal to me.
as i first experienced it on my person at age 21.

when i was raped and strangled at age 25, i was arrested by the same police force. you know.
because my rapist called 911 on me for screaming for my life.

i moved to california shortly thereafter.

it's like my dad's wish to raise us in Tennessee was like moving us into a war zone. now for that i can't forgive him.
he always raced to the fire, the auto accident.
he was magnetized by catastrophe.

he could decry sexism all he wanted in his novel, but i'm the one who had to put up with this misogyny which nearly took my life again and again.
violent men.