American men are a state-approved extermination plan.
i am tempted to make a videoblog to explain benjamen pickering. getting him down the road, to his place in eternal care, was my little small gift back to a universe, which constantly destroys and gives. i could never resist his beauty, and the path he took me down, was a sad path, complete with stories of child abuse, murder, suicide, his mother's suffering incest. such a tragic world he lived in.
the death of a ghost
his torment was so profound---at times demonic possession---indeed---possession by the ghost of his rapist grandfather seemed to be---
i would fight this entity, and demand, it settle down back into hell.
such extreme beauty, and such cruelty, such tyranny.
i could see him in my mind twenty years before i found him, a man so beautiful as he. but so cruel, and so tormented, so gemini, and so fun, and so talented, and such a good dancer.
i could never resist him. but as the cruelty piled up by degree, his beauty wore thin, until he died in my arms, to my mind and my heart, and i was completely free of my love for him, finally, as he almost crushed me to death, almost snapping my neck.
he became a child again, cycling through his multiple personalities, so quickly, from murderer, to child, to baby ben, back to chief spy, speaking on his imaginary walkie-talkies to his agents he'd have me turned over to.
i should scan the immediate police report. except there were details i left out, due to exhaustion.
we watched thom yorke, and susanne sundefor. he said she's pretty.
he said skull to skull.
over and again, in his new voice, his pirates of the carribean voice.
skull to skull.
he said he wanted to take oregon right to die drink, and die of poison.
i told him no, no, no.
as he began to thrash about, like a beached whale, he began to say, Mary, what's happening, in a child's voice, as if his body was being taken over.
the moment he began to hug me, and then squeeze me too tightly, and then pull me to the ground crushing me, he was chanting about you work for them, you control the police, the undercovers who beat me up.
he had been beaten up, and was under the delusion that Astoria Police Department hired plain clothes cops to beat him up in the night.
of course i did not co-ordinate his attack.
he kept saying: "you work for them, you work for them. dos she work for them? does she work for them?"
the moment my neck bones were grinding to a crunch, i screamed.
pounced out from him to the window.
at first i knew i would die, but then i feared, no, i will be merely paralyzed.
he was crushing and compressing and pinning me down.
it was almost like a rape, except he is too nonsexual of a person to do that.
except something in his primal mind told him to crush me under his weight, pinned on the kitchen floor.
of course, his stalking, perhaps i should have reported it. as if i like calling the police 365 a year.
my submission, was my downfall.
for this final scene, of his cruelty, or his torment, his trying to understand, and saying goodbye.
it was goodbye.
he told me he took a blue pill.
what is that?
his gayer persona, developed more, in the end.
that was fine with me.
of course i felt betrayed by his lack of interest in love, but i was sometimes happy he could be my gay best friend.
in my forensic psychiatry textbook, i read about lavender husbands killing their lavender wives about week before he tried to kill me.
he loved ingrid's accent.
possibly he loved ingrid, and that's why he had to kill me.
maybe he loved me, and that's why he had to kill me.
on memorial day, three days before the incident, we walked to his church.
he was falling down in pain from his ankle. the savage attack had brutally injured his ankle.
i was singing susanne sundefor oh, master.
he told me tom roddy had choked him up against a wall and said, you know i killed men in vietnam and i'll kill you.
so he had suffered violence, prior to perpetrating violence upon me.
he was banned from the hospital, but i called the ambulance on memorial day, for his ankle.
he tried to walk away, macho.
in his hospital bed, he gave me a last kiss.
and after that he flipped me off, and angrily shouted at the nurses, i'v slept with 1000s of women.
they would not call the police about the strangulation assault. nor his constant psychosis.
i walked to the police station and spoke to officer duryea.
i was warning the department what a bad state he was in.
that i was scared he would kill his landlord.
april 26, 2016 i had called in his threats to kill his landlord to adult protction and they alerted the police.
april 27, 2016 i called 911 when he began smashing things at me after his tooth extraction. officer gerig responded, for his second interaction that day with ben
on memorial day, i left another message for adult protection.
the day after memorial day, a tuesday, i went to clatsop behavioral health did a crisis intake explaining i am in danger, i am being stalked, benjamen pickering is a danger to himself and others, i knew that the person i was speaking to was a mandatory reporter and would have to do something.
tuesday night, ingrid secures him a spot at the seaside shelter.
wednesday morning, ingrid picks him up from the seaside shelter.
The shelter told me, he would be no longer welcome there, due to his special needs.
the next day, wednesday, ingrid klaaborg took benjamen pickering to clatsop behavioral health.
they did nothing.
the day after this, thursday morning, he tries to kill me. Thursday. June 2, 2016. He put me in a headlock, after i escaped the first neck-snapping crushing move.
Friday, Officer McNeary photocopied my huge dossier of restraining orders etc for the DA.
He is the officer that refused to put Benjamen Pickering on a psych hold for threatening to bludgeon Zachary Seidel to death with a golf club July 4th, 2015.
Officer Randall refused to arrest or do anything about ben pickering crushing me behind a door, and threatening to self-behead himself July 5th, 2015.
they Astoria Police placed all the weight on the almighty restraining order, despite my knowledge that these only incur more wrath and abuse.
after speaking to Child Protection of oregon 2016 january about Zachary Seidel's strange troubling terrifying 8/24/15 pedophilia ideation, i realized i needed to speak to female detective Nicole Riley of Astoria Police because i was sick of all these male cops not understanding how bad the situation was. I explained to her how two years of failed police response in Pacific and Multnomah counties pushed me into seeking protection of Zachary Seidel intermittently from July 2-august 24, 2015 who used it as a position to begin physically assaulting me, stalking, and internet harassing. She suggested a protective order. I understood that the coerced situation of me trying to protect myself from Benjamen Pickering's death threats, stalking, violence had forced me into seeking alternative protection. When Nicole Riley got out of the huge Astoria Polcie department SUV,
i was so glad it was her.
she knew Zachary Seidel had choked me from behind, as he pinned me in an impossible position to get out of, without enduring more choking.
she knew i was terrified of his stalking, but was also in fear of ben pickering showing up to threaten gun violence on me.
of course maybe i should have let portland police officer michael richards shoot ben, when he volunteered to september 2014, but this Kyle Nice (2013) or nothing approach, had the ghost of James Chasse rankled too.
Why did i have to almost get killed, for anyone to get Ben Pickering the help he needed?
Why did Amanda Fritz do nothing to help me, despite my proffering the situation?
Why did Deanna Wesson-Mitchell not help me June 17, 2015 when i opened up to her?
Why did i survive?
why did i succeed in rendering Pickering ALIVE, as i knew i would?
Why did i know I WOULD WIN?
why did i know i would not let the Portland Police kill Benjamen Pickering?
Why did Charlie Hales have me brutalized by Portland Police Officer Todd Engstrom 6/29/16 after Portland Police brutality victim Benjamen Pickering almost killed me June 2, 2016?
Why did Multnomah Crisis refuse to help me, all the many times i begged for their help?
Why has the DA dropped the fake Charlie Hales v. mary Eng case?
Kind of like they dropped the ball, when they allowed Ben Pickering's lawyer Lee Wachocki to fight to keep him out of Oregon State Hospital September 2014, and therefore expose me to more stalking . . . and terror?
About a week before Ben almost killed me, i realized that America's passive attitude about Male Violence against Women, is femicidal in nature. That The State, benefits, from the murder of women.
That women are killed, because the state allows it. It saves the state money, to have women killed.
American men are a state-approved extermination plan.
that is why the State of Oregon would not help me.
the death of a ghost
his torment was so profound---at times demonic possession---indeed---possession by the ghost of his rapist grandfather seemed to be---
i would fight this entity, and demand, it settle down back into hell.
such extreme beauty, and such cruelty, such tyranny.
i could see him in my mind twenty years before i found him, a man so beautiful as he. but so cruel, and so tormented, so gemini, and so fun, and so talented, and such a good dancer.
i could never resist him. but as the cruelty piled up by degree, his beauty wore thin, until he died in my arms, to my mind and my heart, and i was completely free of my love for him, finally, as he almost crushed me to death, almost snapping my neck.
he became a child again, cycling through his multiple personalities, so quickly, from murderer, to child, to baby ben, back to chief spy, speaking on his imaginary walkie-talkies to his agents he'd have me turned over to.
i should scan the immediate police report. except there were details i left out, due to exhaustion.
we watched thom yorke, and susanne sundefor. he said she's pretty.
he said skull to skull.
over and again, in his new voice, his pirates of the carribean voice.
skull to skull.
he said he wanted to take oregon right to die drink, and die of poison.
i told him no, no, no.
as he began to thrash about, like a beached whale, he began to say, Mary, what's happening, in a child's voice, as if his body was being taken over.
the moment he began to hug me, and then squeeze me too tightly, and then pull me to the ground crushing me, he was chanting about you work for them, you control the police, the undercovers who beat me up.
he had been beaten up, and was under the delusion that Astoria Police Department hired plain clothes cops to beat him up in the night.
of course i did not co-ordinate his attack.
he kept saying: "you work for them, you work for them. dos she work for them? does she work for them?"
the moment my neck bones were grinding to a crunch, i screamed.
pounced out from him to the window.
at first i knew i would die, but then i feared, no, i will be merely paralyzed.
he was crushing and compressing and pinning me down.
it was almost like a rape, except he is too nonsexual of a person to do that.
except something in his primal mind told him to crush me under his weight, pinned on the kitchen floor.
of course, his stalking, perhaps i should have reported it. as if i like calling the police 365 a year.
my submission, was my downfall.
for this final scene, of his cruelty, or his torment, his trying to understand, and saying goodbye.
it was goodbye.
he told me he took a blue pill.
what is that?
his gayer persona, developed more, in the end.
that was fine with me.
of course i felt betrayed by his lack of interest in love, but i was sometimes happy he could be my gay best friend.
in my forensic psychiatry textbook, i read about lavender husbands killing their lavender wives about week before he tried to kill me.
he loved ingrid's accent.
possibly he loved ingrid, and that's why he had to kill me.
maybe he loved me, and that's why he had to kill me.
on memorial day, three days before the incident, we walked to his church.
he was falling down in pain from his ankle. the savage attack had brutally injured his ankle.
i was singing susanne sundefor oh, master.
he told me tom roddy had choked him up against a wall and said, you know i killed men in vietnam and i'll kill you.
so he had suffered violence, prior to perpetrating violence upon me.
he was banned from the hospital, but i called the ambulance on memorial day, for his ankle.
he tried to walk away, macho.
in his hospital bed, he gave me a last kiss.
and after that he flipped me off, and angrily shouted at the nurses, i'v slept with 1000s of women.
they would not call the police about the strangulation assault. nor his constant psychosis.
i walked to the police station and spoke to officer duryea.
i was warning the department what a bad state he was in.
that i was scared he would kill his landlord.
april 26, 2016 i had called in his threats to kill his landlord to adult protction and they alerted the police.
april 27, 2016 i called 911 when he began smashing things at me after his tooth extraction. officer gerig responded, for his second interaction that day with ben
on memorial day, i left another message for adult protection.
the day after memorial day, a tuesday, i went to clatsop behavioral health did a crisis intake explaining i am in danger, i am being stalked, benjamen pickering is a danger to himself and others, i knew that the person i was speaking to was a mandatory reporter and would have to do something.
tuesday night, ingrid secures him a spot at the seaside shelter.
wednesday morning, ingrid picks him up from the seaside shelter.
The shelter told me, he would be no longer welcome there, due to his special needs.
the next day, wednesday, ingrid klaaborg took benjamen pickering to clatsop behavioral health.
they did nothing.
the day after this, thursday morning, he tries to kill me. Thursday. June 2, 2016. He put me in a headlock, after i escaped the first neck-snapping crushing move.
Friday, Officer McNeary photocopied my huge dossier of restraining orders etc for the DA.
He is the officer that refused to put Benjamen Pickering on a psych hold for threatening to bludgeon Zachary Seidel to death with a golf club July 4th, 2015.
Officer Randall refused to arrest or do anything about ben pickering crushing me behind a door, and threatening to self-behead himself July 5th, 2015.
they Astoria Police placed all the weight on the almighty restraining order, despite my knowledge that these only incur more wrath and abuse.
after speaking to Child Protection of oregon 2016 january about Zachary Seidel's strange troubling terrifying 8/24/15 pedophilia ideation, i realized i needed to speak to female detective Nicole Riley of Astoria Police because i was sick of all these male cops not understanding how bad the situation was. I explained to her how two years of failed police response in Pacific and Multnomah counties pushed me into seeking protection of Zachary Seidel intermittently from July 2-august 24, 2015 who used it as a position to begin physically assaulting me, stalking, and internet harassing. She suggested a protective order. I understood that the coerced situation of me trying to protect myself from Benjamen Pickering's death threats, stalking, violence had forced me into seeking alternative protection. When Nicole Riley got out of the huge Astoria Polcie department SUV,
i was so glad it was her.
she knew Zachary Seidel had choked me from behind, as he pinned me in an impossible position to get out of, without enduring more choking.
she knew i was terrified of his stalking, but was also in fear of ben pickering showing up to threaten gun violence on me.
of course maybe i should have let portland police officer michael richards shoot ben, when he volunteered to september 2014, but this Kyle Nice (2013) or nothing approach, had the ghost of James Chasse rankled too.
Why did i have to almost get killed, for anyone to get Ben Pickering the help he needed?
Why did Amanda Fritz do nothing to help me, despite my proffering the situation?
Why did Deanna Wesson-Mitchell not help me June 17, 2015 when i opened up to her?
Why did i survive?
why did i succeed in rendering Pickering ALIVE, as i knew i would?
Why did i know I WOULD WIN?
why did i know i would not let the Portland Police kill Benjamen Pickering?
Why did Charlie Hales have me brutalized by Portland Police Officer Todd Engstrom 6/29/16 after Portland Police brutality victim Benjamen Pickering almost killed me June 2, 2016?
Why did Multnomah Crisis refuse to help me, all the many times i begged for their help?
Why has the DA dropped the fake Charlie Hales v. mary Eng case?
Kind of like they dropped the ball, when they allowed Ben Pickering's lawyer Lee Wachocki to fight to keep him out of Oregon State Hospital September 2014, and therefore expose me to more stalking . . . and terror?
About a week before Ben almost killed me, i realized that America's passive attitude about Male Violence against Women, is femicidal in nature. That The State, benefits, from the murder of women.
That women are killed, because the state allows it. It saves the state money, to have women killed.
American men are a state-approved extermination plan.
that is why the State of Oregon would not help me.
Comments
Post a Comment