Seaside, Oregon Food Bank Hostile Takeover: A Vegan Perspective
When the mini coup d'etat at Seaside Oregon's food bank happened, i just happened to be at the door watching it happen.
It was a Friday afternoon, and i was there to get a weekend's worth of food.
Karla Gann stood inside saying "they have fired me."
I was like, what? they have fired you?
The woman who was locking it all up and turning the hungry people away, listened to my protestation that i needed food for the weekend.
Evidently i was so compelling she ran to her purse and handed me six or so dollars.
If you have checked lately, six dollars buys you next to nothing, at the grocery.
The closure went on, and on.
For weeks.
----
When it re-opened, the quality, quantity, and everything about the place was changed.
The food was expired.
The fresh food was reduced.
the quantity of food was reduced.
Tofu was not in abundance.
There was no Field Roast vegetarian vegan faux "meats."
No Daiya vegan cheese product.
I asked the taxi driver if she had any feelings about the Sunset Empire Park and Recreation District.
She said that Darren Gooch who runs the Bob Chisholm center, was also behind the takeover and changing of the food bank management.
That got my brain cells warmed up, about this mysterious food bank coup d'etat.
It was clear that the new management were in over their heads.
Darren Gooch looked nervous about the new format.
i met Alan Evans.
Amazingly Alan Evans is now on the SEPRD board.
It seems that some frequent flyers populate the boards around town and keep their fingers in all the non-profits or semi-governmental non-governmental organizations.
why was housing authority NOHA's todd johnston implicated with misallocating public funds with Helping Hands Alan Evans, whilst evans deals food bank and now SEPRD board too?
the new workers at the food bank were working off their community service.
one awkward man put his hand on my back, which i did not like.
one worker always wear the same shirt which reads:
"i only listen to the voices in my pants"
which i find disgusting.
i wonder if it is washed, or if i could explain to the elderly ladies the lurid implications.
i beg and ask for tofu and vegan protein.
they will usually only give me one or two cans of beans.
there is sometimes tofu, and they are sometimes generous.
in the good old days, before the takeover and ruining of the food bank, i would revel in a freezer full of tofu, and try every flavor of vegan field roast, i had never even tried before.
i felt life was good.
better in fact.
seaside would keep me alive.
i was not spending my money on food.
after the takeover of the foodbank, the lack of quality vegan protein directly hurt me financially.
maybe i wanted to lose those ten pounds. those 6 pounds.
i am not dead.
you see i was also hoping to volunteer at the Bob Chisholm center Meals On Wheels senior citizen lunch program, as Nutrition Director Chris Duffy, had asked me to.
except for this agony about his assault and harassment/
But due to Duffy's attempts to get me not to speak to his co-workers about his assault of me, and his dodgy and evasive statements about the assault, his noting its harm for his girlfriend's children, how it would affect his co-workers, i needed more clarity regarding the assault and my fears of additional assault or stalking from him or his girlfriend kim hazel.
i tried to explain to him it is possible to have a platonic friend of the opposite gender.
i had terminated brenda's harassment via a swift letter to her boss.
i was reluctant to get her in trouble, but her abuse was overwhelming.
the day of the duffy assault: i thought to myself: well, i guess this could cost you your job.
so i had to do more research.
When Adult Protective Services of Clatsop County ---run through the Northwest Senior Disability Services office in Warrenton ----had extracted such a bizarre and incriminating statement from Chris Duffy about what he falsely mischaracterized as "wrestling" and "tussling" which he admitted to initiating, and that there was no Green Light to do this to me, i was very keen to be sure the management understood that he had confirmed this unusual unwanted forceful contact, which occurred when i told him "you are reminding me of other abusers" by which i meant my 2002 rapist.
How many pounds was he when he forcefully pinned me down, crushing my ribs and pinning my arms and pinning my legs? 225? 240?
he claimed He did not think he rubbed his genitals on me during this 'wrestling" incident.
he knows he did, very forcefully.
Why should i be crushed under a man's weight!?
I let the the Adult Protective worker, who is working on this new Bob Chisholm center assault of a senior lady as well, know, that i wanted the supplemental food that i might acquire as a benefit of volunteering.
That i was ashamed to admit that my reporting a sexual assault was partially impacted by my desire to supplement my diet with whatever vegan tidbits i might receive in this volunteer opportunity. (Food bribes.)
Prior to the assault, the first time chris duffy implied i might volunteer there, i found it callous the way he said he was the only one who got paid, and all his volunteers were UNPAID.
Duffy did not seem to have any critical analysis about the devaluation of labor, or the gendered devaluation of labor.
Or he seemed to be good at ignoring his conscience.
I was afraid when he came over with brenda.
I put on my frumpiest bathrobe.
i caught him leering at my breast.
he grabbed my wrist and i found it disturbing.
i missed these red flags.
When he more directly offered me the request i volunteer for Bob Chisholm's meal site, i felt disgusted that he was telling me my labor was worth zero dollars, but more than that, i feared that he would continue to sexually harass, grope, or proposition me, and if not me, then likely he might similarly attack his co-worker he was love-bombing, flirting with, harassing, however you want to call it.
i was saddened by this situation, and needed to tell her, Duffy gets violent.
i worried about his girlfriend's children. i told him (sarcastically) he would be good around children. (except i thought, for this sexual attack violence issue. i wondered are those children of an age that he would consider sexually appealing? i did not know if he was attracted to males, or might also attack male children. he seemed to flirt with my boyfriend. so i was worried. i thought he was gayish, bi-ish, a non-threat to me.)
due to never getting a proper understanding of what was going through Duffy's mind when he threw me down and pinned me against my will after i rebuffed his advances---of course i could only fear any numerous amount of things.
what if he was trying to prove how hetero he want s me to think he is?
what if he was just simulating faux attempted rape in a really violent way, as some kind of CRUEL joke?
a lord of the flies thing.
a violent ritual of domination.
Duffy seemed dead, during the attack, like a zombie, a vampire.
Monstrous/
he is old enough for me to notice his wrinkles and generational differences.
i often assume genxers in their late forties are more misogynistic than my younger friends.
it was all about power, and fear, and a thrill Duffy got from hurting me, and scaring me.
it was revenge on me for removing my hands from Duffy groping at my breasts and preventing him getting his hands in my pants.
i was disturbed he thought he had the right to grab my breasts after i gave him 6 reasons i wasnt interested or available.
i laughed in his face.
i thought he was going to be my friend and professional contact, but when he delusionally talked about taking me to idaho, and why he would sleep with me except he has herpes, i began to consider him a mental case.
i asked HOW DID YOU GET THAT JOB?
he literally seemed unfit for that community center job with this predator-delusional streak coming out at full blast.
i tried to tell myself, he is unimportant, itsnot worth my time/
but it is/
community centers are a battlezone of ideology. anti-social care people view them as socialism. they are the missing link in a community afflicted by drugs and crime.
community centers need to exist. they are worth fighting for.
it is not a community center, when women are excluded under threat of sexual violence/
it is an offender re-entry program, perhaps, a men's center, a safe haven for crime.
a squat.
but it is no man's land for women, when this behavior is allowed to flourish.
and women's chronic under pay and under pensioning, and job discrimination, and sexual harassment, and femicide, amount to a termination of prosperity.
we do not need another obstacle towards our prosperity or welfare.
we do not need ONE MORE ASSAULT, or one more enabler of gender based violence or violence against women and girls/
so it looks like the center was in on the next one, orchestrating the coverup/
due to my excessive patience with madmen like ben pickering, or zachary seidel, or stalkery type guys like arran edmonstone, i am just having this curiosity shop effect.
like, observe the madman.
but as the physcial encroachment and coersion played out, i really wonder that i felt afraid to call 911, afraid to call for help, afraid when he did not understand my ways of politely trying to duck out of it.
pro-tip: when bi chicks give you the Lesbian Alibi, it's because they dont like you that way.
so, it embarrassed me that during this darren gooch hostile takeover of the seaside food bank, my nutrition plummeted.
i immediately felt the deficit of protein to hurt my well-being.
i was processing' duffy's assaut. i needed vegan protein, to not even get more depressed.
i was practicing writing an email to astoria police.
the fall of 2017 the SEPRD pool was closed.
i debated making the complaint to the nice lady at the desk. barbara.
she would understand.
indeed, she seemed to, when i passed her one day on the bleachers.
i wrote duffy periodically for an apology and explanation for his attack.
how could i report him to his boss if he was in control of his own program?
i had to do more research.
darren gooch was the secret link.
i attended bob chisholm on two occasions.
once in september 2017 with a senior, who duffy hugged excessively.
i did not like the vibe.
once in october 2017 i attended to see his co-worker.
duffy looked upset about something.
i spoke to his co-worker later that nite and i explained Duffy's assault to her. i wanted her to be safe.
a part of me felt she loved him, or that he loved her, and i felt saddened that i must step aside and let that happen, despite this horrid knowledge i have of the dis-associative state Duffy enters when he gets violent and delusional.
it horrified me to imagine him assaulting her the way he assaulted me.
she one day mentioned: Duffy said he dated you.
i asserted oh no he didnt. he is saying that. what a lie! what defamation!
i found that concerning. delusional. to be a lie.
so it seems that Duffy's erroneous delusion, or wish or confabulation that he was on a date, did not in any way grant him a right to a date rape.
it occurs me his deptiveness with the police is also concerning/
he doesnt want to take responsibility for his actions/
he wants to blame me for is attack/
coersion, violation---he is a liar at foundation, for not explaining the actual dynamic during the violent part of the assault(s).
each and every breast grope was unwanted and assault.
the terrible pin-down i knew to be a crime.
so maybe my poker face, the days i was assessing his threat level post-assault really confused him.
it was very judas of me.
methodical.
no wonder it made me sick to my stomach.
i was never attracted to him to begin with, but after his assault he was uglier than before.
i was disturbed he called police pigs, when he himself acted like a pig.
the night he attacked me BRENDA asked him to coffee, and he said we should all get together. george was not available due to work.
so we did the three of us get together.
i met for her benefit.
but he was escalating his moves on me.
i was not okay with him calling me, so i put brenda on the line.
he demanded to talk to me.
it was strange.
brenda and he both wore bright green.
i felt that they might make an okay couple.
i thought he was too shy to understand her crush on him, so i was trying to be the wingman when i had the talk with him, you know brenda likes you.
when he explained he would not put her out of her misery and dispel her illusions, i found that cruel.
he then explained he is with kim, sleeping with her.
that made me feel nothing other than, safe, i respect that and did not think he would sexually attack me.
when Duffy began to paw at me, i remember thinking, why would i like a guy who is so dishonest with his girlfriend???
i felt sorry for kim, that she got stuck with such a cheatery dude.
i scolded Duffy on eating her food and using her housekeeping/
but he made strange statements towards me that made me very worried he liked me.
brenda said i looked bored.
the Seaside food bank hunger situation is relevant to the Bob Chisholm sexual abuser scaring you away from the volunteer food service gig, because of the darren gooch connection.
darren gooch orchestrated the food bank takeover which directly reduced my vegan protein access.
darren gooch also is the bob chisholm center director over chris duffy who is the nutrition director for the meals program.
so in two instances: darren gooch's power has directly led to my hunger.
i am not saying that he is orchestrating a deliberate famine.
but allowing a sexual harasser or assailant to scare people away from food resources is pretty creepy.
maybe darren gooch is blind to the plight of the poor, and doesnt realize his decision to protect his co-worker, directly causes a loss of the quality of life of people like me who might benefit from the center's food or health resources.
i don't think darren gooch's Seaside, Oregon Food Bank Takeover was a conspiracy to deprive me of Vegan Food.
but the drastic drop in quality of the food bank has directly affected my life.
we, the consumers notice. we grumble.
we put on a happy face.
we are thankful.
but there were better times.
those times are over.
because of the protection of the sexual abuse, and silencing of this issue, i was never able to volunteer and receive any meagre food benefit or take my seniors there as i wished to.
the silencing of this sexual misconduct was initiated by duffy the day of the assault. he continued to try to minimize it days later, and weeks later, and then tried to slapdash this Bob Chisholm job offer as a peace offering or gag fait accompli.
basically the implied offer of a volunteer gig at bob chisholm was this:
chris duffy would let me volunteer at bob chisholm center's meals program, if i did not tell his co-worker kari about his private life, by which i took it to mean his non-consensual
attack on me, his thing with brenda, and his thing with kim.
Duffy told me his sister thinks he is a jerk.
he was very controlling about chewing me out about not ever telling his co-workers about his "private life"
i took it in, feeling very creeped out by this controlling, gagging side of him.
your private life is no longer "private" when it constitutes crimes.
it becomes a matter of public interest, especially if you are vested with power over vulnerable populations, or are using that power to accrue abuse opportunities.
factually, duffy's assault made my boyfriend ill.
whistleblowing wrongdoing can basically destroy families.
that could be, by design.
what i realized is that this assault was destroying me.
i was unimpressed with duffy's lack of forthcoming apology for my emails requesting an explanation for his attack on me.
i was disturbed that brenda harassed me with the implication that kim had told her that Duffy claimed he had done something to me sexually.
i was worried that duffy was trying to hide what he did to me by implying that his pin-down assault or groping was consensual.
during the attack, and whilst so many problems flashed through my mind, i also understood Duffy's attack to be an act of sadism.
it was as if he was coming out of the closet with a sexual perversion which he was demonstrating to me, on my body: an interest in non-consensual sudden violent sexual assault on non-consenting persons.
is this the case?
or, conversely, if he consciously realized the fact of this pin-down restraint assault as completely disgusting to me, did he back out of the assault due to a sudden pang of conscience?
when i said (immediately after the assault as i scrambled to flee)
BUT I TRUST YOU
i meant that he had abused my trust.
i do not in any way trust chris duffy, again, at all, ever again.
so, when enabler darren gooch says that my pointing out chris duffy's assault is "harassment" he is factually wrong.
the assault was harassment initiated by chris duffy on me, while i was in fear of his violence, it was a complete violation of my body and soul.
where i come from in Tennessee, men do not lay their hands on a woman.
Men do not grope, or grab.
Except, the stray rapists.
so.
it was a very hungry fall while darren gooch was busy destroying my vegan food options over at the food bank, and darren gooch's employee chris duffy was destroying my desire to work with the elderly meals site with his dangerous festering violent secret assault of me, and failure to explain it in a way that would make me feel that i was not in ongoing danger.
i was concerned that in the event of an active shooter drill, since duffy was in a position of authority at a community center, that because i had not got him fired yet, for assaulting me, he might be a first responder in the event of any city-wide tragedy, so it would be best to be in communication.
i was brave to let him know my whereabouts, despite my fears he might stalk.
i felt that if i was able to speak to him and his girlfriend kim about what he did to me, in the presence of george, all the injured parties would be on the same page.
it some ways i was challenging him with my bravery.
i am brave enough to have a talk about it, to write about it.
to explain it to kim, in front of george.
i imagined kim screaming at me.
or at him/
he could apologize.
she could chew him out/
i was scared of his girlfriend due to tales of her chasing him in a car when he was out with brenda. i refused to go on that event. i had a sinister feeling something was wrong with him/
that he would drunk drive
that he was dangerous
george remember s a time he tried to swipe me out of george's company, by telling george to go to the bus stop, and saying he would walk me home.
it was so stupid, and socially awkward as to be almost funny.
george and i just blew him off.
george found it creepy.
indeed, i do now, knowing what i know now.
duffy called me & pouted over the phone that i was with george.
george was there for my safety, don't get the wrong idea duffy/
but abusers know how to win trust. the trust that will be shattered by assault.
sexual abusers should not have access to city food resources. (or seniors)
one should not have to become a sexual abuse apologist to have senior meal access.
one should not have to interact with a sexual assailant to take one's senior citizen to a senior meal.
one should not feel that one's opportunities to work at or exercise at sunset empire park and recreation district are contingent on protecting a sexual assailant from accountability.
so i know who i am.
when i started with the first call to skylar archibald, i was ready to blow that whistle.
why was i scared to go to Bob Chisholm center?
why was i afraid of being assaulted by Chris Duffy?
why did the Oxfam sex abuse scandal remind me so much of this dynamic?
a rich educated sex abuser has control over a food resource which is only available if one participates in covering up for the sexual abuse.
a sex for food scandal.
a sex for work scandal.
it would be entirely different if it were consensual or equal or attraction based.
so what i know now, is that the entire system is compromised.
i thought it was one individual.
now i realize their is a culture scaffolding this abuse.
so there is more to dismantle.
grandfather tells me, never betray your country.
grandfather tells me, it would be better to die, than betray your country.
grandfather's book collection fed me my first tales of B-52 reconnaissance pilot's cyanide suicide capsules, when i was eleven, or some too early age to understand POW suicide to protect classified information.
the thing is, these anti-woman violator types who are confiscating all the city resources, are unamerican, because they do not believe in My liberty.
Chris Duffy deprived me of my liberty when he assaulted me, and he should not assault Ransom Eng's grand-daughter.
Ransom Eng would be 109 years old.
I wish he were here to go to senior meals and sort this out for me.
He knows i am doing the best i can.
Ransom knows i don't like to be gagged.
He didn't either/
He was as hot a head as i, i found out when i read his college editorials.
Is there a secret code, i could unwind, that would make the system work?
a phone number, a call, a code away?
society's many gag orders
throw us in her majesty's prison maze or Derry Gaol.
whether real or imagined, we will all struggle to eat, lest we become a hunger artist.
preying on george's health was a double disability violation.
we know that.
Duffy was hurting a sick man.
Duffy was hurting and disrespecting a veteran.
i know that.
so.
i stepped up to the plate to save that veteran, my love, my george.
chris duffy is not my wounded bird.
i will never know why he was violent with me.
he walked into that theater like peeweeherman and i was with george, and stupidly i said hello as brenda had introduced two nights before/
chris duffy met me for the second time when i was out with george, and immediately gave george "ill steal your girlfriend" looks
i will never know why darren gooch doesnt care.
i do not want their karma/
i gave it to god, and the lord's prayer/
and then i awaited karma.
but one day i realized, i could be a part of that karma/
george was wearing his purple "just do it" t-shirt.
the open carry man was walking his lovely lady down the road.
i later told the open-carry man about the community center predator, for his lady's safety.
he's not an idiot.
he knows such men exist/
he gave me a high five when i gave him credit for giving me the guts to call the detective and take down this abuser.
one day his lady was wearing a t-shirt that said
YOU CANT BREAK ME.
last time i saw her she was wearing obey.
she flipped george off one day. i thought it was funny in a rude northwest way. he felt offended.
we don't see things the same way, on a hot summer day.
george is the other side of leo, practically more virgo influenced, barely.
i am stuck on this terrible cusp of leo and cancer, feeling things, like the plight of womankind in clatsop county/
why does everybody keep telling me about the "good Old Boys"
that is why i left tennessee.
i don't want more of that!
mona eltahawy says that women are the footsoldiers of the patriarchy.
lady lawyers like celia howes and eileen eakins are the footsoldiers of patriarchy.
the fact that chris duffy is converting hours and hours of attorney billing and management time to managing his "lifestyle" decision to assault me non-consensually----
accomplishes a theft of public resources.
he is diverting public resources from their proper purpose.
one of my theories is that chris duffy was experiencing trump derangement disorder.
it does seem that even so-called liberal dudes are having surges of misogyny with Trump's shockwaves of crudity and abuse.
was Duffy taking out his frustration at the 2017 political situation on me, when he attacked me?
one thing about predator type dudes, is you could never ever sleep--- for fear they might attack you.
why would they even think you would want to live that way, with such fear and distrust?
maybe they hate women so much they actually want to be alone forever and accomplish this via assault.
i think too much.
when all those women were groped en masse in tahrir square or in brussels---that grabby gropey thing happened somewhat to me in paris, in amsterdam, even sweden, a bit.
i just kept moving.
duffy's initial assaultive pattern reminded me of a very unamerican way of treating women---grabbing at them--groping at them--in a way so distasteful i cannot accept that it has happened to me, walking as a single traveler, in ways in which i felt annoyed, pestered, unsafe.
in LA it was more of a phone number street hustle thing.
street harassment is real.
we experience that too.
why does every male think their assault is so special and unique it deserves some special status of protection?
it's all BS.
no man ever has any right to grab grope hang on cling to intimidate overpower assault/
someone needs to be clear there is a "hands to yourself" rule.
but you are 48 not 8.
surely Duffy knew what he was getting into, attacking a writer.
maybe he is a glutton for humiliation?
that disgusts me too.
the CIA training film is what upset me the most.
the 1950's film archive explanation of avoiding foreign agent seductions.
his lack of ability to control himself sexually made him a likely candidate for an entrapment.
therefore he is not at the level.
then he looks so much like Paul Erickson, maria butina's "boyfriend"
and so gullible.
her dead yet convincing eyes fooling no one but him!
so that was the big tragedy, before the assault.
after the assault, my respect was so diminished, it but a distant fleeting thought, that his own personal security was corrupted by his "held hostage by his own sperm" status/
women pity men, like mrs dalloway pitying that man.
but some men are gentle men.
impenetrable.
they are the real prizes.
the first night i met george he demonstrated gracefully his respectfulness, and i demonstrated mine, and we both seemed to put high value on that respect, and non-predatory kindness.
i really wish i hadnt wasted a minute, and kissed him the first second.
but i adored him all the more, for his respectfulness, his shyness/
i did not respect duffy's sleazy-ness.
maybe he will be a real man one day.
do real men overcome their assaults?
is that really my battle?
as matt said, is that the hill i want to die on?
i think of men like fruit flies, dying burnt by the light.
so i guess i am hungry for more than tofu in clatsop county.
hungry for justice?
or intellect?
let's not use the term poverty pimp to describe what happened when women were pushed out of the Food Bank or the Bob Chisholm center.
these bullies don't deserve that much credit.
they are just manspreading, in a metaphorical sense/
and like duffy pointed out about trainspotting 2
it's all about the homoerotic undertones
maybe that's where the misogyny and violence is really coming from?
a lavender femicide?
anais nin showed me the way: describe every gory detail.
pity is not attraction.
i learned to stop sleeping with men i am not attracted to, long ago.
duffy needed to respect my chastity and my commitment to george and to MYSELF.
i thought he wanted to be my "intellectual" friend.
so the sex attack part of it really scared me, and saddens me, to this day.
i hate seeing all that worry in my face.
ron brown's case against the molestor surgeon failed.
maybe he should have taken an easy case like chris "wrestling" duffy.
maybe he wants an easy win/
are bloggers exempt from the selective vaudeville of justice?
doesnt the DA have a thing against Facebook?
so is it a free range attack the bloggers county?
on 31 k a year duffy could buy me some tofurky.
maybe he thought i was so cheap as to want him to, and to excuse his assault on the off hand chance he hand me some tater-tots and shreds of iceberg lettuce the day i went to his work to check it out and tell him his assault and sexual solicitation made me feel very uncomfortable, once again/
so where ever that budget is coming from, it's not happening for me as a vegan.
so the tater tots didnt work, i am still hungry
for justice, mostly
but then again
welfare mothers make better lovers
is the song DJ Duffy used to harass kim over coast radio.
so he is like a Men's rights Activist fighting the welfare mother over the airwaves.
what a social justice warrior!
harassing mothers!
welfare shaming!
which may be why he infiltrated the Bob Chisholm program to destroy it from within.
Like Sunset Empire Park and Recreation Center Eileen Eakins says, he only started working for them in April 2017, so really they didnt know him that well when he attacked me, either.
Her district can do "nothing for me" she asserts!
What an attitude of public service!
Sunset Empire Park and Recreation District, the District that can do Nothing for you!
but it is not true, the district has been a very interesting writing and blogging project.
lately i'm tweeting SDAO the so called special districts association of oregon.
snarky lawyer is only 40.
no wonder he had such a tantrum!
they are powering up with more security cameras.
SDAO from what i can tell is more than legal, it is training and compliance.
too bad my gagged velveeta cheese speech was such a hit! they were so relieved to have effectively gagged me for 2.5 minutes.
the grey haired man smiled
accountant?
lawyer?
who were the women in the audience?
are they safe?
maybe SEPRD wants to hire all the creepazoids . . .
It was a Friday afternoon, and i was there to get a weekend's worth of food.
Karla Gann stood inside saying "they have fired me."
I was like, what? they have fired you?
The woman who was locking it all up and turning the hungry people away, listened to my protestation that i needed food for the weekend.
Evidently i was so compelling she ran to her purse and handed me six or so dollars.
If you have checked lately, six dollars buys you next to nothing, at the grocery.
The closure went on, and on.
For weeks.
----
When it re-opened, the quality, quantity, and everything about the place was changed.
The food was expired.
The fresh food was reduced.
the quantity of food was reduced.
Tofu was not in abundance.
There was no Field Roast vegetarian vegan faux "meats."
No Daiya vegan cheese product.
I asked the taxi driver if she had any feelings about the Sunset Empire Park and Recreation District.
She said that Darren Gooch who runs the Bob Chisholm center, was also behind the takeover and changing of the food bank management.
That got my brain cells warmed up, about this mysterious food bank coup d'etat.
It was clear that the new management were in over their heads.
Darren Gooch looked nervous about the new format.
i met Alan Evans.
Amazingly Alan Evans is now on the SEPRD board.
It seems that some frequent flyers populate the boards around town and keep their fingers in all the non-profits or semi-governmental non-governmental organizations.
why was housing authority NOHA's todd johnston implicated with misallocating public funds with Helping Hands Alan Evans, whilst evans deals food bank and now SEPRD board too?
the new workers at the food bank were working off their community service.
one awkward man put his hand on my back, which i did not like.
one worker always wear the same shirt which reads:
"i only listen to the voices in my pants"
which i find disgusting.
i wonder if it is washed, or if i could explain to the elderly ladies the lurid implications.
i beg and ask for tofu and vegan protein.
they will usually only give me one or two cans of beans.
there is sometimes tofu, and they are sometimes generous.
in the good old days, before the takeover and ruining of the food bank, i would revel in a freezer full of tofu, and try every flavor of vegan field roast, i had never even tried before.
i felt life was good.
better in fact.
seaside would keep me alive.
i was not spending my money on food.
after the takeover of the foodbank, the lack of quality vegan protein directly hurt me financially.
maybe i wanted to lose those ten pounds. those 6 pounds.
i am not dead.
you see i was also hoping to volunteer at the Bob Chisholm center Meals On Wheels senior citizen lunch program, as Nutrition Director Chris Duffy, had asked me to.
except for this agony about his assault and harassment/
But due to Duffy's attempts to get me not to speak to his co-workers about his assault of me, and his dodgy and evasive statements about the assault, his noting its harm for his girlfriend's children, how it would affect his co-workers, i needed more clarity regarding the assault and my fears of additional assault or stalking from him or his girlfriend kim hazel.
i tried to explain to him it is possible to have a platonic friend of the opposite gender.
i had terminated brenda's harassment via a swift letter to her boss.
i was reluctant to get her in trouble, but her abuse was overwhelming.
the day of the duffy assault: i thought to myself: well, i guess this could cost you your job.
so i had to do more research.
When Adult Protective Services of Clatsop County ---run through the Northwest Senior Disability Services office in Warrenton ----had extracted such a bizarre and incriminating statement from Chris Duffy about what he falsely mischaracterized as "wrestling" and "tussling" which he admitted to initiating, and that there was no Green Light to do this to me, i was very keen to be sure the management understood that he had confirmed this unusual unwanted forceful contact, which occurred when i told him "you are reminding me of other abusers" by which i meant my 2002 rapist.
How many pounds was he when he forcefully pinned me down, crushing my ribs and pinning my arms and pinning my legs? 225? 240?
he claimed He did not think he rubbed his genitals on me during this 'wrestling" incident.
he knows he did, very forcefully.
Why should i be crushed under a man's weight!?
I let the the Adult Protective worker, who is working on this new Bob Chisholm center assault of a senior lady as well, know, that i wanted the supplemental food that i might acquire as a benefit of volunteering.
That i was ashamed to admit that my reporting a sexual assault was partially impacted by my desire to supplement my diet with whatever vegan tidbits i might receive in this volunteer opportunity. (Food bribes.)
Prior to the assault, the first time chris duffy implied i might volunteer there, i found it callous the way he said he was the only one who got paid, and all his volunteers were UNPAID.
Duffy did not seem to have any critical analysis about the devaluation of labor, or the gendered devaluation of labor.
Or he seemed to be good at ignoring his conscience.
I was afraid when he came over with brenda.
I put on my frumpiest bathrobe.
i caught him leering at my breast.
he grabbed my wrist and i found it disturbing.
i missed these red flags.
When he more directly offered me the request i volunteer for Bob Chisholm's meal site, i felt disgusted that he was telling me my labor was worth zero dollars, but more than that, i feared that he would continue to sexually harass, grope, or proposition me, and if not me, then likely he might similarly attack his co-worker he was love-bombing, flirting with, harassing, however you want to call it.
i was saddened by this situation, and needed to tell her, Duffy gets violent.
i worried about his girlfriend's children. i told him (sarcastically) he would be good around children. (except i thought, for this sexual attack violence issue. i wondered are those children of an age that he would consider sexually appealing? i did not know if he was attracted to males, or might also attack male children. he seemed to flirt with my boyfriend. so i was worried. i thought he was gayish, bi-ish, a non-threat to me.)
due to never getting a proper understanding of what was going through Duffy's mind when he threw me down and pinned me against my will after i rebuffed his advances---of course i could only fear any numerous amount of things.
what if he was trying to prove how hetero he want s me to think he is?
what if he was just simulating faux attempted rape in a really violent way, as some kind of CRUEL joke?
a lord of the flies thing.
a violent ritual of domination.
Duffy seemed dead, during the attack, like a zombie, a vampire.
Monstrous/
he is old enough for me to notice his wrinkles and generational differences.
i often assume genxers in their late forties are more misogynistic than my younger friends.
it was all about power, and fear, and a thrill Duffy got from hurting me, and scaring me.
it was revenge on me for removing my hands from Duffy groping at my breasts and preventing him getting his hands in my pants.
i was disturbed he thought he had the right to grab my breasts after i gave him 6 reasons i wasnt interested or available.
i laughed in his face.
i thought he was going to be my friend and professional contact, but when he delusionally talked about taking me to idaho, and why he would sleep with me except he has herpes, i began to consider him a mental case.
i asked HOW DID YOU GET THAT JOB?
he literally seemed unfit for that community center job with this predator-delusional streak coming out at full blast.
i tried to tell myself, he is unimportant, itsnot worth my time/
but it is/
community centers are a battlezone of ideology. anti-social care people view them as socialism. they are the missing link in a community afflicted by drugs and crime.
community centers need to exist. they are worth fighting for.
it is not a community center, when women are excluded under threat of sexual violence/
it is an offender re-entry program, perhaps, a men's center, a safe haven for crime.
a squat.
but it is no man's land for women, when this behavior is allowed to flourish.
and women's chronic under pay and under pensioning, and job discrimination, and sexual harassment, and femicide, amount to a termination of prosperity.
we do not need another obstacle towards our prosperity or welfare.
we do not need ONE MORE ASSAULT, or one more enabler of gender based violence or violence against women and girls/
so it looks like the center was in on the next one, orchestrating the coverup/
due to my excessive patience with madmen like ben pickering, or zachary seidel, or stalkery type guys like arran edmonstone, i am just having this curiosity shop effect.
like, observe the madman.
but as the physcial encroachment and coersion played out, i really wonder that i felt afraid to call 911, afraid to call for help, afraid when he did not understand my ways of politely trying to duck out of it.
pro-tip: when bi chicks give you the Lesbian Alibi, it's because they dont like you that way.
so, it embarrassed me that during this darren gooch hostile takeover of the seaside food bank, my nutrition plummeted.
i immediately felt the deficit of protein to hurt my well-being.
i was processing' duffy's assaut. i needed vegan protein, to not even get more depressed.
i was practicing writing an email to astoria police.
the fall of 2017 the SEPRD pool was closed.
i debated making the complaint to the nice lady at the desk. barbara.
she would understand.
indeed, she seemed to, when i passed her one day on the bleachers.
i wrote duffy periodically for an apology and explanation for his attack.
how could i report him to his boss if he was in control of his own program?
i had to do more research.
darren gooch was the secret link.
i attended bob chisholm on two occasions.
once in september 2017 with a senior, who duffy hugged excessively.
i did not like the vibe.
once in october 2017 i attended to see his co-worker.
duffy looked upset about something.
i spoke to his co-worker later that nite and i explained Duffy's assault to her. i wanted her to be safe.
a part of me felt she loved him, or that he loved her, and i felt saddened that i must step aside and let that happen, despite this horrid knowledge i have of the dis-associative state Duffy enters when he gets violent and delusional.
it horrified me to imagine him assaulting her the way he assaulted me.
she one day mentioned: Duffy said he dated you.
i asserted oh no he didnt. he is saying that. what a lie! what defamation!
i found that concerning. delusional. to be a lie.
so it seems that Duffy's erroneous delusion, or wish or confabulation that he was on a date, did not in any way grant him a right to a date rape.
it occurs me his deptiveness with the police is also concerning/
he doesnt want to take responsibility for his actions/
he wants to blame me for is attack/
coersion, violation---he is a liar at foundation, for not explaining the actual dynamic during the violent part of the assault(s).
each and every breast grope was unwanted and assault.
the terrible pin-down i knew to be a crime.
so maybe my poker face, the days i was assessing his threat level post-assault really confused him.
it was very judas of me.
methodical.
no wonder it made me sick to my stomach.
i was never attracted to him to begin with, but after his assault he was uglier than before.
i was disturbed he called police pigs, when he himself acted like a pig.
the night he attacked me BRENDA asked him to coffee, and he said we should all get together. george was not available due to work.
so we did the three of us get together.
i met for her benefit.
but he was escalating his moves on me.
i was not okay with him calling me, so i put brenda on the line.
he demanded to talk to me.
it was strange.
brenda and he both wore bright green.
i felt that they might make an okay couple.
i thought he was too shy to understand her crush on him, so i was trying to be the wingman when i had the talk with him, you know brenda likes you.
when he explained he would not put her out of her misery and dispel her illusions, i found that cruel.
he then explained he is with kim, sleeping with her.
that made me feel nothing other than, safe, i respect that and did not think he would sexually attack me.
when Duffy began to paw at me, i remember thinking, why would i like a guy who is so dishonest with his girlfriend???
i felt sorry for kim, that she got stuck with such a cheatery dude.
i scolded Duffy on eating her food and using her housekeeping/
but he made strange statements towards me that made me very worried he liked me.
brenda said i looked bored.
the Seaside food bank hunger situation is relevant to the Bob Chisholm sexual abuser scaring you away from the volunteer food service gig, because of the darren gooch connection.
darren gooch orchestrated the food bank takeover which directly reduced my vegan protein access.
darren gooch also is the bob chisholm center director over chris duffy who is the nutrition director for the meals program.
so in two instances: darren gooch's power has directly led to my hunger.
i am not saying that he is orchestrating a deliberate famine.
but allowing a sexual harasser or assailant to scare people away from food resources is pretty creepy.
maybe darren gooch is blind to the plight of the poor, and doesnt realize his decision to protect his co-worker, directly causes a loss of the quality of life of people like me who might benefit from the center's food or health resources.
i don't think darren gooch's Seaside, Oregon Food Bank Takeover was a conspiracy to deprive me of Vegan Food.
but the drastic drop in quality of the food bank has directly affected my life.
we, the consumers notice. we grumble.
we put on a happy face.
we are thankful.
but there were better times.
those times are over.
because of the protection of the sexual abuse, and silencing of this issue, i was never able to volunteer and receive any meagre food benefit or take my seniors there as i wished to.
the silencing of this sexual misconduct was initiated by duffy the day of the assault. he continued to try to minimize it days later, and weeks later, and then tried to slapdash this Bob Chisholm job offer as a peace offering or gag fait accompli.
basically the implied offer of a volunteer gig at bob chisholm was this:
chris duffy would let me volunteer at bob chisholm center's meals program, if i did not tell his co-worker kari about his private life, by which i took it to mean his non-consensual
attack on me, his thing with brenda, and his thing with kim.
Duffy told me his sister thinks he is a jerk.
he was very controlling about chewing me out about not ever telling his co-workers about his "private life"
i took it in, feeling very creeped out by this controlling, gagging side of him.
your private life is no longer "private" when it constitutes crimes.
it becomes a matter of public interest, especially if you are vested with power over vulnerable populations, or are using that power to accrue abuse opportunities.
factually, duffy's assault made my boyfriend ill.
whistleblowing wrongdoing can basically destroy families.
that could be, by design.
what i realized is that this assault was destroying me.
i was unimpressed with duffy's lack of forthcoming apology for my emails requesting an explanation for his attack on me.
i was disturbed that brenda harassed me with the implication that kim had told her that Duffy claimed he had done something to me sexually.
i was worried that duffy was trying to hide what he did to me by implying that his pin-down assault or groping was consensual.
during the attack, and whilst so many problems flashed through my mind, i also understood Duffy's attack to be an act of sadism.
it was as if he was coming out of the closet with a sexual perversion which he was demonstrating to me, on my body: an interest in non-consensual sudden violent sexual assault on non-consenting persons.
is this the case?
or, conversely, if he consciously realized the fact of this pin-down restraint assault as completely disgusting to me, did he back out of the assault due to a sudden pang of conscience?
when i said (immediately after the assault as i scrambled to flee)
BUT I TRUST YOU
i meant that he had abused my trust.
i do not in any way trust chris duffy, again, at all, ever again.
so, when enabler darren gooch says that my pointing out chris duffy's assault is "harassment" he is factually wrong.
the assault was harassment initiated by chris duffy on me, while i was in fear of his violence, it was a complete violation of my body and soul.
where i come from in Tennessee, men do not lay their hands on a woman.
Men do not grope, or grab.
Except, the stray rapists.
so.
it was a very hungry fall while darren gooch was busy destroying my vegan food options over at the food bank, and darren gooch's employee chris duffy was destroying my desire to work with the elderly meals site with his dangerous festering violent secret assault of me, and failure to explain it in a way that would make me feel that i was not in ongoing danger.
i was concerned that in the event of an active shooter drill, since duffy was in a position of authority at a community center, that because i had not got him fired yet, for assaulting me, he might be a first responder in the event of any city-wide tragedy, so it would be best to be in communication.
i was brave to let him know my whereabouts, despite my fears he might stalk.
i felt that if i was able to speak to him and his girlfriend kim about what he did to me, in the presence of george, all the injured parties would be on the same page.
it some ways i was challenging him with my bravery.
i am brave enough to have a talk about it, to write about it.
to explain it to kim, in front of george.
i imagined kim screaming at me.
or at him/
he could apologize.
she could chew him out/
i was scared of his girlfriend due to tales of her chasing him in a car when he was out with brenda. i refused to go on that event. i had a sinister feeling something was wrong with him/
that he would drunk drive
that he was dangerous
george remember s a time he tried to swipe me out of george's company, by telling george to go to the bus stop, and saying he would walk me home.
it was so stupid, and socially awkward as to be almost funny.
george and i just blew him off.
george found it creepy.
indeed, i do now, knowing what i know now.
duffy called me & pouted over the phone that i was with george.
george was there for my safety, don't get the wrong idea duffy/
but abusers know how to win trust. the trust that will be shattered by assault.
sexual abusers should not have access to city food resources. (or seniors)
one should not have to become a sexual abuse apologist to have senior meal access.
one should not have to interact with a sexual assailant to take one's senior citizen to a senior meal.
one should not feel that one's opportunities to work at or exercise at sunset empire park and recreation district are contingent on protecting a sexual assailant from accountability.
so i know who i am.
when i started with the first call to skylar archibald, i was ready to blow that whistle.
why was i scared to go to Bob Chisholm center?
why was i afraid of being assaulted by Chris Duffy?
why did the Oxfam sex abuse scandal remind me so much of this dynamic?
a rich educated sex abuser has control over a food resource which is only available if one participates in covering up for the sexual abuse.
a sex for food scandal.
a sex for work scandal.
it would be entirely different if it were consensual or equal or attraction based.
so what i know now, is that the entire system is compromised.
i thought it was one individual.
now i realize their is a culture scaffolding this abuse.
so there is more to dismantle.
grandfather tells me, never betray your country.
grandfather tells me, it would be better to die, than betray your country.
grandfather's book collection fed me my first tales of B-52 reconnaissance pilot's cyanide suicide capsules, when i was eleven, or some too early age to understand POW suicide to protect classified information.
the thing is, these anti-woman violator types who are confiscating all the city resources, are unamerican, because they do not believe in My liberty.
Chris Duffy deprived me of my liberty when he assaulted me, and he should not assault Ransom Eng's grand-daughter.
Ransom Eng would be 109 years old.
I wish he were here to go to senior meals and sort this out for me.
He knows i am doing the best i can.
Ransom knows i don't like to be gagged.
He didn't either/
He was as hot a head as i, i found out when i read his college editorials.
Is there a secret code, i could unwind, that would make the system work?
a phone number, a call, a code away?
society's many gag orders
throw us in her majesty's prison maze or Derry Gaol.
whether real or imagined, we will all struggle to eat, lest we become a hunger artist.
preying on george's health was a double disability violation.
we know that.
Duffy was hurting a sick man.
Duffy was hurting and disrespecting a veteran.
i know that.
so.
i stepped up to the plate to save that veteran, my love, my george.
chris duffy is not my wounded bird.
i will never know why he was violent with me.
he walked into that theater like peeweeherman and i was with george, and stupidly i said hello as brenda had introduced two nights before/
chris duffy met me for the second time when i was out with george, and immediately gave george "ill steal your girlfriend" looks
i will never know why darren gooch doesnt care.
i do not want their karma/
i gave it to god, and the lord's prayer/
and then i awaited karma.
but one day i realized, i could be a part of that karma/
george was wearing his purple "just do it" t-shirt.
the open carry man was walking his lovely lady down the road.
i later told the open-carry man about the community center predator, for his lady's safety.
he's not an idiot.
he knows such men exist/
he gave me a high five when i gave him credit for giving me the guts to call the detective and take down this abuser.
one day his lady was wearing a t-shirt that said
YOU CANT BREAK ME.
last time i saw her she was wearing obey.
she flipped george off one day. i thought it was funny in a rude northwest way. he felt offended.
we don't see things the same way, on a hot summer day.
george is the other side of leo, practically more virgo influenced, barely.
i am stuck on this terrible cusp of leo and cancer, feeling things, like the plight of womankind in clatsop county/
why does everybody keep telling me about the "good Old Boys"
that is why i left tennessee.
i don't want more of that!
mona eltahawy says that women are the footsoldiers of the patriarchy.
lady lawyers like celia howes and eileen eakins are the footsoldiers of patriarchy.
the fact that chris duffy is converting hours and hours of attorney billing and management time to managing his "lifestyle" decision to assault me non-consensually----
accomplishes a theft of public resources.
he is diverting public resources from their proper purpose.
one of my theories is that chris duffy was experiencing trump derangement disorder.
it does seem that even so-called liberal dudes are having surges of misogyny with Trump's shockwaves of crudity and abuse.
was Duffy taking out his frustration at the 2017 political situation on me, when he attacked me?
one thing about predator type dudes, is you could never ever sleep--- for fear they might attack you.
why would they even think you would want to live that way, with such fear and distrust?
maybe they hate women so much they actually want to be alone forever and accomplish this via assault.
i think too much.
when all those women were groped en masse in tahrir square or in brussels---that grabby gropey thing happened somewhat to me in paris, in amsterdam, even sweden, a bit.
i just kept moving.
duffy's initial assaultive pattern reminded me of a very unamerican way of treating women---grabbing at them--groping at them--in a way so distasteful i cannot accept that it has happened to me, walking as a single traveler, in ways in which i felt annoyed, pestered, unsafe.
in LA it was more of a phone number street hustle thing.
street harassment is real.
we experience that too.
why does every male think their assault is so special and unique it deserves some special status of protection?
it's all BS.
no man ever has any right to grab grope hang on cling to intimidate overpower assault/
someone needs to be clear there is a "hands to yourself" rule.
but you are 48 not 8.
surely Duffy knew what he was getting into, attacking a writer.
maybe he is a glutton for humiliation?
that disgusts me too.
the CIA training film is what upset me the most.
the 1950's film archive explanation of avoiding foreign agent seductions.
his lack of ability to control himself sexually made him a likely candidate for an entrapment.
therefore he is not at the level.
then he looks so much like Paul Erickson, maria butina's "boyfriend"
and so gullible.
her dead yet convincing eyes fooling no one but him!
so that was the big tragedy, before the assault.
after the assault, my respect was so diminished, it but a distant fleeting thought, that his own personal security was corrupted by his "held hostage by his own sperm" status/
women pity men, like mrs dalloway pitying that man.
but some men are gentle men.
impenetrable.
they are the real prizes.
the first night i met george he demonstrated gracefully his respectfulness, and i demonstrated mine, and we both seemed to put high value on that respect, and non-predatory kindness.
i really wish i hadnt wasted a minute, and kissed him the first second.
but i adored him all the more, for his respectfulness, his shyness/
i did not respect duffy's sleazy-ness.
maybe he will be a real man one day.
do real men overcome their assaults?
is that really my battle?
as matt said, is that the hill i want to die on?
i think of men like fruit flies, dying burnt by the light.
so i guess i am hungry for more than tofu in clatsop county.
hungry for justice?
or intellect?
let's not use the term poverty pimp to describe what happened when women were pushed out of the Food Bank or the Bob Chisholm center.
these bullies don't deserve that much credit.
they are just manspreading, in a metaphorical sense/
and like duffy pointed out about trainspotting 2
it's all about the homoerotic undertones
maybe that's where the misogyny and violence is really coming from?
a lavender femicide?
anais nin showed me the way: describe every gory detail.
pity is not attraction.
i learned to stop sleeping with men i am not attracted to, long ago.
duffy needed to respect my chastity and my commitment to george and to MYSELF.
i thought he wanted to be my "intellectual" friend.
so the sex attack part of it really scared me, and saddens me, to this day.
i hate seeing all that worry in my face.
ron brown's case against the molestor surgeon failed.
maybe he should have taken an easy case like chris "wrestling" duffy.
maybe he wants an easy win/
are bloggers exempt from the selective vaudeville of justice?
doesnt the DA have a thing against Facebook?
so is it a free range attack the bloggers county?
on 31 k a year duffy could buy me some tofurky.
maybe he thought i was so cheap as to want him to, and to excuse his assault on the off hand chance he hand me some tater-tots and shreds of iceberg lettuce the day i went to his work to check it out and tell him his assault and sexual solicitation made me feel very uncomfortable, once again/
so where ever that budget is coming from, it's not happening for me as a vegan.
so the tater tots didnt work, i am still hungry
for justice, mostly
but then again
welfare mothers make better lovers
is the song DJ Duffy used to harass kim over coast radio.
so he is like a Men's rights Activist fighting the welfare mother over the airwaves.
what a social justice warrior!
harassing mothers!
welfare shaming!
which may be why he infiltrated the Bob Chisholm program to destroy it from within.
Like Sunset Empire Park and Recreation Center Eileen Eakins says, he only started working for them in April 2017, so really they didnt know him that well when he attacked me, either.
Her district can do "nothing for me" she asserts!
What an attitude of public service!
Sunset Empire Park and Recreation District, the District that can do Nothing for you!
but it is not true, the district has been a very interesting writing and blogging project.
lately i'm tweeting SDAO the so called special districts association of oregon.
snarky lawyer is only 40.
no wonder he had such a tantrum!
they are powering up with more security cameras.
SDAO from what i can tell is more than legal, it is training and compliance.
too bad my gagged velveeta cheese speech was such a hit! they were so relieved to have effectively gagged me for 2.5 minutes.
the grey haired man smiled
accountant?
lawyer?
who were the women in the audience?
are they safe?
maybe SEPRD wants to hire all the creepazoids . . .
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