FANCY LITTLE BOY MANIFESTO (FANCYFESTO) by Rowan Wilson
do you know a fancy little boy? oh, you MUST know a fancy little boy! you would feel so much better, if only you knew a fancy little boy (who desires a treat). i recently rediscovered this fancy little boy manifesto (fancyfesto) that i wrote for my friend, who continues to be the only true FLB of my acquaintance, in september. i, of course, am too guarded, too furtive, too faint, to carry around in me the bright bombastic sun that is the desire of the FLB. i am slow to demand and quick to resent. i come from a religious tradition firmly rooted in abnegating Wants. and so i am dazzled, am drawn to him — the FLB summons me (old) like a reverse pied piper. i have made a study of him, and it has only shown me how much we cannot be the same.
WHENCE CAME THE FANCY LITTLE BOY? the ur-text of fancy little boy culture can be found here.
WHO IS THE FANCY LITTLE BOY? he does not strictly have to be little, or a boy (though he has to embody the Spirit, or Essence, of both Little and Boy). he does have to be fancy, no question. fancy is the pivot on which this whole wheel turns.
canonical examples of the fancy little boy include:
niles crane off of frasier
paddington bear
every insufferable male character in a frances hodgson burnett novel
a well-dressed nephew dropping an ice cream and wailing
mona-lisa saperstein in parks and rec saying ‘money pwlease!!!!!!!’
anyone who uses a weird european name for their parents (archetypally, but not limited to, ‘papa’ and ‘mama’. bonus points if they spell it ‘maman’.)
anyone who has ever made their relatives sit through a tap recital
violet elizabeth bott in the just william books
roman emperors crowned in their teens
the unnamed singers who demand ‘now bring us a figgy pudding’ in that one christmas carol
any child in a 50s postcard
the fancy little boy is a stroppy, fretful young glutton with a quivering lip. he definitely knows what a boating collar is and speaks bad but charming nursery french. his face goes from beaming to puce with rage in the time it takes to say ‘crèche.’ he is the meanest boy in the choir stall, but also the most cherubic. if this were a victorian novel, he would be punished for his fanciness with consumption and a religious epiphany, but as it is he only takes and takes and takes. there is no question that he shall receive. his desire is not like yours — wavering, self-conscious, shrinking into itself when interrogated. it is big and open and immovable. when the fancy little boy voices his desire his fist is already clenched in anticipation of what he knows he will soon hold. there is something deeply camp about the grinning indulgence of the fancy little boy, but also a threat in the present-tenseness of his desire, the forever-reach towards his treat. the fancy little boy lives on the verge — of gratification, or of tantrum and chaos. the code of the fancy little boy is unabashedness. try to shame the fancy little boy. you cannot. he knows what he is, and what he wants. can you say the same? of course not. that is why you can only spot these fancy little boys, these terrible golden infant gods, as opposed to living as one.
WHAT IS HIS TREAT?
treats desired by fancy little boys include, but are not limited to:
jam (all jams and jellies are the nectar of fancy little boys!)
a new sailor suit
a trip to the seaside
to sit up at the big table when maman and papanne have guests
any article of clothing with ‘oxford’ in front of it
attention
sherbert
a ride on the back of an old and long-suffering dog
tyranny
sweets that look like jewels and jewels that look like sweets
any big and excessive flower, like a peony, or an orchid
pulling the wings off flies
a dukedom
some silk to roll around in
fancy little boy culture is an ever-evolving canon of luxeness. there can be no definitive statement as to the nature of the fancy little boy. take this as a gesture, a point of departure, a hinge, a vantage point, from which to spot the fanciest of little boys, who desire, of course!!, a treat.
https://medium.com/@rowanwilson_78327/fancy-little-boy-manifesto-fancyfesto-2654bd273034
a very inferior satan
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