i love you that's all --- but not your rapist grandfather

i love you that's all

but there is more.

is the ghost of fred ivey haunting his grandson?

how does having a child rapist for a grandfather impact one?

why are my friends tortured by incest in america?

i loved you. that was all. but then there was more.

we could call it chronic traumatic encephalopathy.

but i want to see a human underneath a syndrome, or a decaying brain.

we know sex abuse survivors have reduced longevity and health.  so your mother, a child incest rape victim, is in a wheelchair at age 48, stroking out, partially paralyzed.

but you say: it is safer for everyone this way---so she wont beat us.

and i am supposed to believe the doors flying off hinges is not the ghost of fred ivey.

add the neck snap.
the man so demonic he would be killed by his own son.

your murderer uncle jeremy ivey gave a death penalty for the crime of all the incest rape on the little girls.

so it might be in scottish highlands: rapists will die.

but his slow progress into death, and the hauntings . . .

so dear, when your head was crushed in the nineties and your left eye blinded, you child of 1984, you my blind benjamen, swinging at mail boxes, scaling trees for suicide stand-offs, running police around football fields, you my dear, are nobody's king, and nobody's legend.

you are benny ben, eternally a child.

but when your razor sharp wits crack---and you are 30 and smart, then we know!

but who is this demon who haunts you and the living body of your mother?

can you be done with him?

i am tired of fred ivey, your rapist grandfather, and the way he haunts my family now.


welcome back into the world of the living, half-dead benjamen.

put the ghosts to rest.

all the beatings and bashings on your head, all the screaming in the asylum of your mad family. your blinding, and crimelife as a juvenile, homeless and starving, fleeing abuse.

i could love you. that would be all.

but i do not love the demon which inhabits you from time to time.

i wonder if you will take a wheelchair with a stroke.
your blood pressure was high.

you are going to combust at the going rate.

dear.
i love you, but my love could not stay the abuse.

benny ben, braindamaged and genius, i cannot be your rainbow.
there is so much more for you outside the confines of my etiquette.

if i could say, day after day, you survived, you lived, and that is a victory, i would.

in shrouds of ambiguity, i would protect my sleep, my ears.

when the balance of your cruelty outweighed your beauty, no you will not carjack me, nor smash the shogun gallery glass window down on me.

nor we jump into a river holding hands as you beg, as death begs you back to cape disappointment.

like a flame you blazed across the earth, at the point of maximum madness.

i walked into Good Samaritan begging for aid.
they then set me to speak to Gilbertson.

no more hitchhiking, with your anger problem, your anger would be your liability.

always in someone's face, with karen's knife, alan's baseball bat, and corey johnson's electic guitar.
you are.
love that's all.

walking around the peninsula with a baseball bat after you were raped.

scott brian hostettler was it?
http://www.city-data.com/so/so-Ocean-Park-Washington.html


Scott Brian Hostetler 
(Aliases: Kallien Edward; David A Simpson; Mark Thompson)


  • Crime: 9a.44.130(11)(a) - sex offender - felony - fail to register, Statute: 9A.44.130
  • Crime: 9a.44.100 (1)(a) - indecent liberties with forcible compulsion, Statute: 9A.44.100
  • Crime: 9a.44.100 - indecent liberties, Conviction date: 1985-05-17, Statute: 9A.44.100

Address: 30400 Block Of U Place
Risk level: Level Ii
Zip Code: 98640
Sex: Male
Age: 52
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Blonde
Height: 5'09"
Weight: 185
Race: White
Based on this official offender page


Read more: http://www.city-data.com/so/so-Ocean-Park-Washington.html#ixzz3ZZZtyouU

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