unsent email to chris duffy re: his ongoing refusal to take responsibility for assaulting and harassing me (BOB CHISHOLM SEPRD #MEALSONWHEELSMETOO)

Subject: you forgot to sign your promise not to physically assault me anymore

So your lawyer forgot to erase the stamp of his former employer campbell popkin who claim to have nothing to do with this.

your lawyer (chris palmer) falsely induced me to believe that some modified version of this doc would be signed.

coercing me to drop my protective order, included the proffer of this doc, which was done in bad faith, as yr atty had no interest in following thru with a revising of it to my specifications.

(delete the gag clause)

i tried to reach out, but he blocked my email.

clearly gagging my speaking is not the point of the order, whilst ensuring you will not pin me down in that troubling attack move, you referred to as "wrestling and tussling" to adult protection is.

i confirmed yesterday with palmer's firm he will not account for the failure to provide any guarantee in writing i will not be assaulted.

it was unfortunate that your attorney got you to sign off on a victim-blaming style of a case.

it was tragically offensive, to blame a woman for being forcefully pinned down for being overpowered.

i hope you do not personally believe any of the nasty slurs your attorney lobbed at me.

if you had been there to see him slurring me under his breath, you might have objected.

it's one thing to cruelly assault a female, but quite another to hire a bully to bash her name and reputation in a court, and seek to violate her privacy to search for an alibi for your violence.

of course i found it all rather out of date, unsettling, and upsetting.

be careful when hiring people to do things in your name.

it was morally reprehensible, and as i have been trying to get across to you since you attacked me, you must respect your own name.

your name and your dignity are all you really have.

hiring an undignified attorney to verbally attack your assault victim, just demonized your self you know.

being too cowardly to show up and see the abuse he enacted in your name, was ludicrous.

you could have easily and cheaply said you are sorry, sorry to george, and sorry for the discriminatory impact and worries you have caused me.

clearly this standoff with you occupying the community center without accounting for your sexual harassment and sudden assault, and how it impacts my safety in my community----is just not ideal.

remember i suggested you make a donation to a women fleeing violence charity?

what if you had done that instead of hire a lawyer to abuse me more?

making amends could include doing something in this regard to improve equality of access.

violence against women excludes their participation.

of course arguing for your resigning would give the community center back to the community, so that women could freely participate without fear of your assault, or harassing them with lawyers!

you could move on into your future, and work on your health!

make amends, and learn why violence is not the answer, and violence leaves shockwaves in a community. many more people than i have been hurt by your attack on me. many women have expressed worry and solidarity and concern. they are urging me to be safe. they hope you have learned your lesson. they think i have what it takes to "put on my big girl pants" and demand safety for women in this tiny deprived rural town. they say i have protected so many other women (potential victims) by outing you.

women have been doing this since time immemorial, the community of women has existed since time immemorial. it is just bc of the internet and courts that you are suddenly more aware of the way we make our communities safer by broadcasting info about security dangers and violent men.

you cannot stop this with a gag agreement.

this stupid contract your attorney offered was nevertheless very moving to me, as if it was offered with your approval, indicates that you may have expressed to him a wish to do me no harm or induce no more terror, fear, stress, or anxiety about future assault.

of course the nature of any assault, is that it always forever colors future fears and sense of safety.

i do not agree with any attempts to restrict my speaking rights.

your lack of forthcomingness about an real apology has put me in the terrible situation of trying to induce your participation in mediation.

you have had two years to come up with an I'm sorry or full explanation.

your letter claiming "full responsibility" while denying knowledge of aspects of your assault, was written under duress by your boss, and i do not think it sufficed.

can you, your self, on your own terms, apologize for groping me, scaring me from calling 911, and from being able to fully express my fears of you, and when i overcame those fears pushing your hand off my breast, and calling you abusive, you retaliated by forcefully pinning me down, pinching my arms and pinning my legs, and crushing my ribs in your attack?

do you remember preventing me shielding my face by my forearms as you slammed my arms down, to expose my face?

do you remember grimacing in a sadistic delight as i squirmed to break free, as you had completely overpowered me?

do you remember pinning my legs under your weight?

do you remember crushing my ribs under your weight?

do you remember pinching my arms?

do you remember throwing me down so fast you whiplashed my neck?

do you think i was impressed when you attacked me?

do you remember trying to put your hand in my pants, which i prevented?

do you remember the sexual aspect of your attack, rubbing yourself on me when i was forced down and pinned and trapped and restrained and unable to free myself? why don't you take that seriously?

you are working by a school and a library and a nursery.

In normal circumstances, with good District Attorney, sexual abusers DO NOT WORK around children, schools, etc.

Why do you not just respect the principle of removing yourself from those high risk areas?

Just bc the DA is too old and tired and sexist and forgiving to fight you, doesnt mean those principles of keeping sexual abusers away from children and vulnerable people ---arent important.

you barely knew me.

what prejudice did you have on me?

did you attack me bc i cited my grandpa's service to cia when you asked about dc?

i hoped you would respect him, and his grand-daughter!

if it helps you respect me yet, my cousin rob o-neill---my grandmother's half-sister's grandson killed osama bin laden.

he looks just like that irish side of the fam.

he was with me spiritually when ben attacked me.

his spirit helped carry me to court to do good work in the name of justice for women when facing your year of the rat (cowardly) sagittarrius (narcissistic) atty.

i had been very nice to you and brenda, given you tea and gone out of my way to make you feel welcomed in astoria.

why did you repay my kindness with cruelty?

why did you refuse to respect george's importance in my life?

why was your violence to me more important than any other thing?

was it worth it, what ever you achieved by assaulting me?

the look on your face was demonic and terrifying and cruel.

what have you done to purify your self against such violence to women?

what have you done to make amends?

hiring the abusive lawyer has increased my concerns.

Your refusal to stop blaming other people, indicates that you are not taking responsibility for what you did to me.

one of my latest ways of dealing with it, is accepting the english feud with ireland bioengineering such madmen, in the stress of the occupation and impoverishing and alcoholizing and starving a nation into cultural decline.

(your taking over the food resource at meals on wheels and enforcing female exclusion via sexual violence is reminiscent of such famine techniques of empire----even oxfam got busted for their sexually abusing their clients in early 2018.  that scandal helped me expose you. mercy corps under fire too. seems the nonprofits are riddled with pervs. you might try another industry to avoid the association)

as if it's england's fault.

and yes, i was very ashamed a man with an irish last name physically assaulted me.

i was offended at the low-class, blue-collar, working class, angela's ashes kind of ambiance of an Irish Madman attacking women.

i was ashamed on behalf of a whole culture.

this oppressing women is no way to shake off the tyrannies of trump, england, kim or whom-ever.

i got over that cultural shame, and moved forward with reporting you.

in 2017, when i offered you my father's poems, it was specifically due to a few, such as

a poem about a "conscience" and the process by which people cut it out.

and also another called "some call him pig"

about officers who have children.

i was, as you know, alarmed when you called police pigs, as you encroached on my physical safety and personal space.

i took it as a threat not to contact the police about your imposing, encroaching sexual harassment.

there are certain kinds of boys who fancy them-selves anticop who are nonetheless raging misogynists who use their anti-cop attitude to try to get women to shut up about their assaulting.

you processed my statement about your not being a woman, and my GLBT identity, by pouting and staring off into space. then you resumed harassing.

it is hateful to force heterosexual contact on someone who has been forced into outing their gay identity to stop a heterosexual sexual harassment attack.

you forced me into outing this, and clearly it was unsafe to do so, as you did not respect it, and continued to slur me as and disparage me by saying you are dating me when it is not true.

you were at best, a potential guy friend. but as you launched into your herpes spiel, i worried something was very wrong with your sense of boundaries.

you are not my type and i never had any interest in you in that way. forcing your sexuality on me was very offensive to me.

your sexual crisis, you inflicted on me, as i told you numerous times i am content in my thing with george, would rather date a female.

when i told you about testifying to grand jury in pickering case, it was a threat that i would utilize the courts to out your sexual harassment.

instead of taking it as a warning, you either ignored it, or did not care, or possibly wanted the public humiliation.

because i perceived that you wanted to be publicly humiliated for your violence and creepiness to me, i also resisted giving you that pleasure of the big drama of your harassment.

after weighing my fears kim might hurt me, you might again, or brenda, i am very very glad i took the reporting process to the limit.

do you realize how many hours i have spent speaking to authorities on this?

do you realize how exhausting this is?

you put that burden on me, when you attacked me.

will you apologize for the theft of my time and energy?

mother put that horrid picture of dad on the cover of the poetry book, and i thought you would like to see a picture of the man, whose daughter you had assaulted.

my father, unlike you, never laid a hand on me in violence.

my invitation that you attend, to speak to george and i, preferably with kim present, was not because i am not afraid of you.

it was to show you i can face that fear of your violence, and get what you did to me on the table, for your partner who you hurt SOOOOO much by attacking me.

and my partner who you hurt by attacking me.

i planned to have this conversation over and done with two years ago, but you have been too afraid so far.

i thought it was important for you to understand how smart and perceptive my dad was, so you would begin to start respecting me.

it has been my theory that when you come clean, apologize to george and i for the disrespect in hitting on me, assaulting me, harassing me----you will feel much better and get much healthier.

i was willing to listen, if there is some medical reason why you attacked me.

i did not ever seek to INVADE your medical privacy, as your lawyer did to me.

(this is inappropriate for your job position, it is a form of disability harassment and has been reported)

perhaps you have some amount of autism spectrum. i hate to tell you this but very smart people have a very difficult time with picking up on social cues, intuition, etc.

it has been my suspicion all along, and besides that or what ever stress, what ever.

i believe you were angry at me for rejecting your pushy come-ons, and restricting your progress trying to seduce me.

you did not like the fact that i am not attracted to you physically so i was violated to punish me for not allowing you to coerce me.

coerced "consent" is not the same as actually freely given consent.

please be advised.

my fear that you would become violent started when you started talking about herpes.

so please understand all that you coerced of me was under duress and fear of your potential for assault.

when you grabbed my breast, i began to understand that you were truly dangerous, and it would be a matter of time b4 i told police.

do you realize even b4 you did the big violent throw-down pin-down, i was planning on reporting you for your being inappropriate and gropey, sexually harassing, violating my boundaries, invading my personal space????

maybe the severity of the violence was so traumatic, i kept it secret in fear of you, telling only kari and george for a while.

so maybe your violence was "successful" in the sense of being an intimidation tactic, to get me to shut up about your sexual harassment, for a while.

why did you stay at my house so long?

i was worried you were trying to tire me, so i would be less able to fight off rape.

that's not cool.

maybe also you were angry at kim.

maybe you were angry at me calling you an abuser. comparing you to other abusers you were reminding me of.

in my memory, that was the moment you snapped at me and attacked.

i said "you are reminding me of other abusers" (this is a clear NO)

and i was afraid to say something that extreme, bc you are bigger than me, had me trapped, coerced, were making me uncomfortable, had kept grabbing my breast without my permission and in violations of my reprimand.

each grab of my breast was a sexual assault.

calling it groping, can trivialize each instance of unwanted contact.

so the big pin-down was the main assault.

the wrist grab, etc. a few days b4

will you apologize for each and every painful thing you did to me?

are you not sorry?

do you have marijuana brain fog, is that why you are playing ignorant?

when you are driving in Seaside, could you please not drive so recklessly?  as it scares me, and don't gawk at me, or laugh at me from your car.

i had three nights of nightmares after you last did this.

your refusal to apologize to my face and to george, for violating our kindness in allowing you to be our social acquaintance-----lingers.

will you apologize for hiring the lawyer to verbally abuse me on your behalf?

do you realize your lawyer sought to abuse me about other attackers in the court-room?

would you like to apologize for this specifically?

bullying victims of gender based violence.

we had talked state department. you know their anti-violence to women work overseas.

why arent you on the same page about violence to women in your own country?

are you reformable?

Will you ever get it?

would you like to talk about how your lawyer made an even bigger mess that had nothing to do with what you did to me, but was a manifestation of his own personal anger at me for my bar complaint against him for his original abusive attempt to invade my privacy?

are you happy that you scared a female judge?

she is scared you will assault her.

she is smaller than me.

the attempt to invade my personal records was very alarming.

you do realize it made me even more terrified of you!  and worried about you! why would you stoop that low?

for attention?

i was very ashamed that you would seek to violate my privacy for your personal ends of finding a way to blame me for your assault.

it betrayed a complete prejudice against me, for my poverty, and your attitude towards HUD and Americans with Disabilities act was extremely offensive.

It is incumbent on a DHS-grant funded program director to never seek to violate the privacy or medical privacy of NWSDS clients. STOP IT. stop treating NWSDS clients with violence and privacy invasion.

Of course i forwarded it to your bosses, bc it's disturbing that you would try to invade my privacy, to punish me for reporting you for invading my privacy in the original assault.

you put your entire program in jeopardy if anyone in Salem could become smart enough to know how to integrate the application of the federal laws as a contingency for your program funding.

just even as a best practices reason, or -----personal human decency, should be enough to tell you not to try to violate the privacy of a woman whose privacy you have already violated by assaulting her.

it is good that you understand there are protective measures against running around assaulting random women.

hopefully you have educated your self on that, as well as remembered to catch up on all the constitutional rights your lawyer sought to deprive me of after the cruel and unusual punishment of your assault.

i always tried to give you a way out, a way to compose an apology, an explanation, and it has been years of waiting for you to be a better person.

since you probably always need help at the center, i'll probably come over to get started on the job you offered, since now that we've got all this on the table, about your need to stop assaulting people, using quid pro quo harassment or abuse of power, i think i have enough eyes and cameras on the situation to be assured you will not assault me at the center which was my fear ever since the 2017 assault, that you would assault me or others at Bob Chisholm or Coast Radio.

so, see you there.

i get a bad case of nerves due to your attack.

you don't have to blame what you did on other people.

you can start taking complete responsibility.

i look forward to the apology to me, for the assault, the apology to george for the assault and disrespect.

i look forward to the apology for hiring the abusive lawyer.

i look forward to the apology for trying to invade my privacy to justify your assault.

it's not too late to come clean.

oh yeah.

i'd like an apology for your circulating rumors to kari, your lawyer, kim, and brenda, skylar that you were "dating" me or in a relationship with me.

i was only ever "dating" george or in a "relationship" with george.

you refused to respect that, and that is the essence of the problem.

you also should not assault non-attached women, either!!!!!

your lying about me was VERY hurtful. 

you must have the consent of all parties prior to any dating relationship status, or attempt to be sexual.

it was extremely humiliating and hurtful that you did told this lie about me.

you violated my consent, and coersion, duress, and then violent force were used.

you used your quid pro quo lure to trick and hurt me.

that is called abuse of power.

your walking me home and asking for tea, does not constitute a date, the night brenda asked us all to have coffee.

when i met with you after the assault, or ran into you, i was trying to ascertain your danger level, and get closure about your assault.

this was investigatory.

i am a very brave person and walk into danger at times.

i was willing to ask you to stop hurting brenda.

i was sick of that stagnating, and looking forward to having someone to speak politics with!

isn't that the worst part! not having anyone to speak to?

are you as isolated in that regard?

do you see all these principles playing out in the epstein and trump cases?

whistleblower suppression

quid pro quo

etc

isn't it great? the public will be more educated about these concepts.

after the assault

i met with you or ran into you in fear and disgust, but we made some headway discussing the assault.

you said "being that guy on the couch was bad for kim and her children"

by "guy on the couch" i understood you meant the person who attacked me.

you referred to it as horseplay when i brought up the word "rough housing"

a term my dad used about kids being too ....

these ways you minimize the severity of my subjective experience of your pin-down have been hurtful.

you can apologize for that too.

holding all this rage inside can destroy you from within.

whatever rage you unleashed on me, you likely must deal with in more positive ways.

i would suggest yoga and vegetarianism, as cultural violence among humans is intrinsically linked to the violence against animals.

food is very hard to digest, and i acknowledge that vegetarian foods can be hard to absorb.

kari mentioned giving you b-vitamins which i highly recommend to improve your stress management and overall neurological health.

the ostracization i have experienced and stress of moving so quickly after your assault have been severe.

amazingly, due to the stress i experienced when ben pickering stalked me, i actually hoped you would be a protector, not an abuser your-self!

imagine my dismay!

it was such a surprise, that you used the good name of your programs to falsely induce my trust!

i will never be so stupid again!

probably why you still like me, even more than b4, is that i was willing to call you on your BS.

i was willing to out the abuse you suffered under kim. 

i dont know how much you may have also abused her, or assaulted her.

after what you did to me, i could only assume you were also physically violent with her.

i hope i have successfully stopped this.

i hope you never assault another woman again.

are you a gentle man yet?

another one of your victims sandra womack was very disturbed by what you did.

i reported it to APS.

anyone who works at the community center should be fully trained in reporting adult or elder or child or disability abuse to human services.

lying to them about the severity of your assault of me, and mischaracterizing it as merely "wrestling"

was inappropriate.

the DA's office dude ben bradshaw told me they confirmed you did put your hands on sandra.

ben is supposed to "help" victims but mostly he's a big victim-blamer, bc everything is so out of date in this county.

DO NOT ASSAULT WOMEN AT BOB CHISHOLM okay.

you ruined her thanksgiving last year, as she was still so shaken by the assault, she felt scared to get her holiday meal there.

corrupting all your bosses must be interesting!

they are so compromised trying to do backbends to protect you!

Skyler's been the best, but it is truly terrible of you to bring down the vibe, make him so depressed, and promote an atmosphere of hostility to whistleblowers, violence to women, and lack of accountability.

it's kind of like:::: deface a public resource.

it is public corruption, bc you used your public position to attempt to sexually extort me, sexually abuse me on a false promise of a job lure.

your public position is not to be used to coerce sexual contact, extort women sexually, or falsely allege you are in a "relationship" with them after you assault.

i hope you have thought deeply about such things.

trying to gag a victim of an assault

via 

Non Disclosure Agreement

or Non Disparagement Agreement

is increasingly viewed as an illegal document on it's face, as other laws preclude the intimidation of witness testimony about crime.

it's just a bad practice too, as it leads to a culture of corruption, gagging victims.

normally it is signed with a big pay off anyway, so it was kind of funny to see it it offered 

with the premise of trying to force me to expose my personal files as the only leverage.

------

if all of this is too complex:

to simplify:

it is as if your lawyer asked you to sign a legal strategy that screamed I AM REALLY CREEPY

he may have been punking you for all i can see.

i knew you assaulted me and that's creepy.

but hiring this evil attorney who represents womanbeaters and tries to shred victims of violent crimes to pieces in court was even more misogynistic than i assumed you could stoop that low.

so that was interesting that you are either that 

naive

evil or

desperate

or some combination thereof.

sorry to be blunt.

your one dollar cash settlement for my civil claim did not convey information about my safety from future attack.

i did not bill you for sheriff process which is about 40$. if you'd like to pay that, you may. i asked celia howes and eileen eakins for it. but nobody is paying me back. if you don't i'll just consider it a donation.

i paid for it the same day i got to see ben in macintosh's court when he was processed in court for a probation violation.

he was beautiful as ever and smiled at me.

his voice grated on my ears.

the DA's deputy allowed me to speak. i spoke about the 2016 injury he did to me, and how it has affected me. i tried to mention your attack too. i am afraid i was vague.

i had told brownhill. and so basically all our lady judges know. ok. so don't do any more attacks on women. judge macintosh was deeply moved by the assault ben did to me and sentenced him to 30 months. he's serving like barely 13-14 with time served for the pre-hearing detention i think.

ben was arrested when they were deciding on you.

the harbor womens crisis center basically have confirmed that this new DA ron brown is not up to par on prosecuting violence against women.

so that worked out well for you. (not really. some accountability would have helped you to grow and stop blaming your victim)

someone told me he is catholic.

one of the prisoners sought to hurt him recently.

another tried to burn down his house years ago.

he is keeping the file, in case you do anything else violent, it will be background.

it was really neat meeting with him.

he told me too much about the child molestor seaside surgeon and the kids he molested in south dakota.

he had a really sad failure to get this guy convicted and was quite depressed about that case.

the detective that interviewed you is rumored to have in the past used (redacted)

if this rumor is true, his softballing your interview, and trying to cover for you, and blame your assault on ben, is more interesting.

ron brown tried to blame his nonprosecution of you on first his dad dying, and then on your gropey hug of carol meyer in my presence.

due to carol saying it was fine-----therefore my "credibility" is dashed. just bc she was too ingrained in the culture of never complaining doesn't mean your gropey hug of her was right.

she has subsequently whistleblown other abuse at her facility. so then i report it to APS.

excessively friendly prolonged hugging hands all over an old lady hugging as a gateway to unwanted groping is the appearance of impropriety and you must stop this.

ben will be out november 20, so maybe you can keep an eye out for a tall red-head aged 35. he looks more mature now. he is blind in his left eye. maybe most likely he will live in Washington, but he could come to Astoria. maybe they will get him into a treatment house anywhere near Portland. i don't think i will be informed his location and he is prohibited from contacting me.

mercury enters retrograde for a month

so beware of everything, all contracts

it would be dad's birthday today.

he would be 79.

found this recently

http://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/ea.cgi?20508

seaside, oregon

clatsop county

oregon

composed 3am-6am

October 31

halloween

2019

for my father who would be 79 today!